3RD DRAFT…..The idyllic life of an adolescent surfer drastically changes when his family moves to pre-revolution Tehran, an American melting pot submerged in an alien culture where certain realities are but an illusion.

Okay, now the story is getting interesting.? ? The fact that his father was a covert operative immediately adds tension to the story. This somehow needs to be worked into the logline.? It's a story hook and story hooks should be? hoisted up the flagpole of a logline -- not buried in the text of the script.? Or to mangle metaphors, loglines need to pitch the sizzle, not the steak.? And having a father who is a covert operative is prime sizzle.

Now, while it may have be SOP for parents not to remain undercover to their kids,? has the teenager figured out the true nature of his father's employment?? At least, does he have suspicions?

Okay, now the story is getting interesting.? ? The fact that his father was a covert operative immediately adds tension to the story. This somehow needs to be worked into the logline.? It's a story hook and story hooks should be? hoisted up the flagpole of a logline -- not buried in the text of the script.? Or to mangle metaphors, loglines need to pitch the sizzle, not the steak.? And having a father who is a covert operative is prime sizzle.

Now, while it may have be SOP for parents not to remain undercover to their kids,? has the teenager figured out the true nature of his father's employment?? At least, does he have suspicions?

Clarification please:? why did his family move to Iran?? (Did his father work in the oil industry?? For the? US Embassy?)

And what personal problem will taking? up falconry help him? to solve? (Drama is about a problem that creates conflict that leads to change.)

Clarification please:? why did his family move to Iran?? (Did his father work in the oil industry?? For the? US Embassy?)

And what personal problem will taking? up falconry help him? to solve? (Drama is about a problem that creates conflict that leads to change.)

>>>?he is further impacted by the unlikely acquisition of a falcon.

Ah,? he acquires a falcon.? This could be your story hook.? Don't? hide it, flaunt it, build your logline around it.? Training and working with a falcon could be the basis for an interesting story in any country or culture in any era.

Now then:? the current version of the logline portrays him as passive victim of circumstances.? How does acquiring the falcon serve as a catalyst to transform him from a passive to a proactive character? He acquires a falcon and then what?

>>>?he is further impacted by the unlikely acquisition of a falcon.

Ah,? he acquires a falcon.? This could be your story hook.? Don't? hide it, flaunt it, build your logline around it.? Training and working with a falcon could be the basis for an interesting story in any country or culture in any era.

Now then:? the current version of the logline portrays him as passive victim of circumstances.? How does acquiring the falcon serve as a catalyst to transform him from a passive to a proactive character? He acquires a falcon and then what?

On the plus side, you are drawing from the well of your own experience.? So the film you have in mind? will feel authentic to a movie audience in terms of the details of life in pre-revolutionary Iran.

But when I look at your logline, I see a situation for a plot -- but I don't see a plot.? I get no sense of what objective goal arises for the main character as a result of the cultural and social tensions.? A logline is a succinct statement of a plot? And a mandatory element in a plot, and hence in a logline (as explained in the formula), is? an objective goal the protagonist, something he wants to achieve or have badly.

For a moment, forget about presenting a polished logline? that hits all the marks in terms of the mandatory elements.? All I want to know right now is the teenager's objective goal.? What is it?? What does he want?? What must he do by the end of the film?

On the plus side, you are drawing from the well of your own experience.? So the film you have in mind? will feel authentic to a movie audience in terms of the details of life in pre-revolutionary Iran.

But when I look at your logline, I see a situation for a plot -- but I don't see a plot.? I get no sense of what objective goal arises for the main character as a result of the cultural and social tensions.? A logline is a succinct statement of a plot? And a mandatory element in a plot, and hence in a logline (as explained in the formula), is? an objective goal the protagonist, something he wants to achieve or have badly.

For a moment, forget about presenting a polished logline? that hits all the marks in terms of the mandatory elements.? All I want to know right now is the teenager's objective goal.? What is it?? What does he want?? What must he do by the end of the film?

>>>The real meat of the story revolves around the effects of ?fast paced westernization on a society that was ill prepared to absorb.

So what dramatic conflict arises in a society ill-prepared to absorb westernization? Does this conflict culminate in the character being? swept up in the Iranian Revolution?? If so, what must the boy do?? What becomes his objective goal??

If it doesn't culminate in the? Revolution, why not?

>>>The real meat of the story revolves around the effects of ?fast paced westernization on a society that was ill prepared to absorb.

So what dramatic conflict arises in a society ill-prepared to absorb westernization? Does this conflict culminate in the character being? swept up in the Iranian Revolution?? If so, what must the boy do?? What becomes his objective goal??

If it doesn't culminate in the? Revolution, why not?

>> The real meat of the story revolves around the effects of fast paced westernization on a society that was ill prepared to absorb.

Okay. But what's the conflict for the protag?? The latest logline still paints a small mental picture. The real meat mentioned is not sensed in the latest logline and it sounds like an Iranian would be a more dramatic protag.

>> pre-revolution Tehran

This threw me off and made me think there's an anti-American component. Instead, state the year or clarify with other words.

Instead of telling us things like "drastically changes" and "realities...illusion,"? make us feel and picture them.

The idyllic life of a SoCal adolescent is upended when his family migrates to pre-revolution Tehran where his westernized coming of age conflicts with a peculiar culture and an American melting pot of illusionary realities.