After cyborgs invade their planet, a cyborg hunter and his crew must stop them from destroying the human race.

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Dark Galaxy 9

12 reviews

thedarkhorse · Mentor · 3,495 pts

Hi IvyEight6,

INTENTION: must stop from destroying the human race.
OBSTACLE: cyborgs invade their planet.

Attempt 1:
When his planet is invaded by cyborgs, a cyborg hunter and a ragtag group of survivors must stop them from completely eliminating the human race.

Notes:
- Admittedly, your first logline is fine but I’ve just pushed down on some things.
- I made it “a ragtag group of survivors” to make it less easy. Give it more conflict. “A cyborg hunter and his crew” suggests they’re probably gonna win.

Attempt 2:
After the planet is invaded by killer cyborgs, a cyborg hunter and a ragtag group of survivors must stop them from killing the last woman on Earth.

- I’m just playing with the idea here and giving them something more to prevent than “destroying the human race”. That’s quite a general thing. (It’s good but general.) If it’s the last woman on Earth - they really, really do have to kill these things to save civilisation and repopulate the human race.
- Interestingly, you could switch it.

Attempt 3:
After the planet is invaded by killer cyborgs, a female cyborg hunter and her ragtag crew of female survivors must stop them from killing the last man on Earth.

- Normally I wouldn’t add “killer” to cyborgs but I figured we should know straight away they’re not just invading - they are eliminating, killing, etc.
- Regardless - cool idea.

Good luck!

Scott Danzig · Samurai · 1,585 pts

Change “invades” to “invade” and remove “by an evil emperor” and you have a mostly okay logline. The only thing is “their” and “them” are ambiguous. You need to change the wording to fix that.