Categories: Action
Skill Acquisition
Hi Knightrider1984,
I’ll give this a go…
INTENTION: he must use his new abilities to take down the nefarious group who’ll stop at nothing to get the implant back.
OBSTACLE: the nefarious group who’ll stop at nothing to get the implant back.
Attempt 1:
When he accidentally gets injected with an experimental brain implant that gives him the ability to learn anything instantly, a man must use his new abilities to stop a nefarious group who’ll stop at nothing to get the implant back.
- I got rid of deadbeat. He can be a deadbeat in the script but I’m not sure about in the logline. (When I think deadbeat I immediately think of a character who I wouldn’t really care to see onscreen.)
- The inciting incident is very, very long. We need to get to the protagonist quicker than that.
Attempt 2:
After an experimental procedure to save his life, a man wakes up with the newfound ability to learn anything quickly, and then must stop the same organisation who want it back from him - dead or alive.
- I made the “procedure” a bit more life and death.
- The “dead or alive” - I imagine there’s a better way to word it but that should definitely be in there somehow. Keeps the stakes high.
- I got rid of “nefarious”. They’re clearly nefarious if they want it back from him “dead or alive”.
Good luck with this!
I have another issue with this logline. One of my pet peeves is a plot contrived to depend on an accident, somebody doing something incredibly stupid or reckless.
Like a mega-powerful device "accidently" being planted in someone. In a dead beat no less. How could anyone be so stupid, so careless, so incompetent as to do that?
Now if they *deliberately *implanted the gizmo in his brain.
Because they were using him as an expendable human guinea pig.
Because no one was sure it would work or what the side effects were.
Because no one would miss the dead beat if he died from the implant.
Because they could dispose of the body with no legal consequences
That is a plot setup I for which I could suspend disbelief.
My 2.5 cents worth
The TV show, Chuck also had some similarities except there was no chip
