A devout college athlete, raised under an assumed identity, must defy his felonious mother to uncover the truth about his missing dad.

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A SHOT AT FAITH

7 reviews

The latest draft of the logline is much more concise and easier to understand but the elements in it are still too vague.

"...unexpected obstacles ?" these need to be specific for a reader to want to know how the MC will over come them to create intrigue and help with structuring the plot.

What makes the MC go on his journey external and internal? What is the inciting incident? Why must he set out to find the father now?

Lastly the stakes are unclear still, why must he find his long lost dad? What is so bad that will happen if he doesn't?

Better logline?

Abducted as a small child, a college hoop star must endure a season of unexpected obstacles when he sets out to find his long-lost dad.

Agreed with DPG I think the hint at the conflict between his religious beliefs and his true feeling about his parents will be lost on most people and offers little contribution to the degree of interest in the story.

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