A haughty Elvin princess with no love for humans, must leave her beloved sheltering woods, to find her brother before their father passes.

dpalliser, I think you are right about using an adjective before brother. "Missing brother" would be the closest.

Much better. I think "dies" would be better than "passes". Also I want more info about the brother: "lost brother" or "imprisoned brother" or "brother that abandoned them".

Much better. I think "dies" would be better than "passes". Also I want more info about the brother: "lost brother" or "imprisoned brother" or "brother that abandoned them".

Thanks Kriss,

In this world, when elves reach what we would consider early twenties, (but for them it is more like early one hundreds) they go on what is called "The Walk" where they leave the woods and explore the outside world. The brother has been gone for about twenty-five years, longer than most who go on The Walk, but not so long anyone is worried.

This seems like an interesting story. A good twist on a story we have kind of seen before, thinking Elf and films like it. Is the brother now a human? How come he is living in the world and she is not? Are these Elvin people noticeable among humans? It's a nice idea and a good log line just wander if the term ,with no love for humans' could be better. Is she afraid of them or have they done something to hurt her?

The story is about Elysia, the young princess, starting off with a black and white view of the world and by the end of her journey realizing there are shades of grey.

Much less confusing! I'm curious whether the humans turn out to be barbaric (as in Avatar, where the humans are mostly baddies); or whether she finds "humanity", kindness, or even love. Has the brother gone native among the people? Lots of scope...

This second attempt should be more clear as to who's the lead character. (I might rethink the comma after woods)