sorry… just wanted to delete and couldn’t see how…

It's too long, you can close this down by half if you focus on the points made previously from other reviews about event and action. You have to choose which is the event, the father being released or the girlfriend disappearing? Choose one. What action does he take to try and fix this event? In the updated logline you've provided, no action exists. Ambiguity should't be in there, you've kind of set up the 1st act but as an outsider, I have no idea what action would be taken in the second and most important act, which makes up the majority of the film.

The revision still does not indicate a plot. ?What does ?"create a monster" mean in terms of dramatic action?

So he's unhappy ?What do those negative emotions, grief and rage, trigger him to do? ?What he wants to do about the fact that his father is out and the stripper has gone missing? ?What becomes his (singular) objective goal??

The revision still does not indicate a plot. ?What does ?"create a monster" mean in terms of dramatic action?

So he's unhappy ?What do those negative emotions, grief and rage, trigger him to do? ?What he wants to do about the fact that his father is out and the stripper has gone missing? ?What becomes his (singular) objective goal??