A lonely vacuum salesman, unsure of his true calling, happens upon love and struggles to walk the line between his familiar life and the extraordinary.

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Once In A Blue Moon

10 reviews

Former member · Singularity · 114,968 pts

I like your logline. The 'vacuum' salesman tells me volumes..and the use of the word 'extraordinary' is also ok by me. The impression I have, is that your MC is so underwhelming and ordinary, that it doesn't take much (particularly not a lady with superpowers) for his life to become extraordinary...just for his life to take an unexpected turn is extraordinary...and his struggle with leaving the familiar...his comfort zone.
I like it!

Neer Shelter · Singularity · 39,985 pts

Good advice above I would add though that even in the revised logline you havn't yet described a plot for a story rather as Richieve said still a situation.

Have a read of Karel's logline writing guide here:
https://loglines.org/howto/

But in short your salesman (no need for vacuum) needs something to happen to him (either someone else's action or and event) to push him to want to achieve a tangible goal also best to have an obstacle for achieving it.

What makes him need the goal?
What is his goal?
How will he achieve it?

Hope this helps.

Neer Shelter · Singularity · 39,985 pts

Good advice above I would add though that even in the revised logline you havn't yet described a plot for a story rather as Richieve said still a situation.

Have a read of Karel's logline writing guide here:
https://loglineit.com/howto/

But in short your salesman (no need for vacuum) needs something to happen to him (either someone else's action or and event) to push him to want to achieve a tangible goal also best to have an obstacle for achieving it.

What makes him need the goal?
What is his goal?
How will he achieve it?

Hope this helps.