A POW interned at a Japanese camp in World War II finds an unlikely alley in a heroic dog who helps him through hardship, before a daring escape attempt places man and dog in an even bigger fight for survival.

Too long, not clear, and misspellings. I have to assume you mean "ally" rather than "alley". I'm not clear if it is an American POW in a Japanese camp or a Japanese POW in a Japanese internment camp controlled by Americans. I suppose it doesn't matter much, as both would be great stories, but I'll assume it's an American POW. I would try to show the dog having a conflict of his own, perhaps being mistreated or tortured himself, so it's like the soldier and the dog help each other and both face the possibility of imminent death.

With that in mind, a shorter way to write it may be:

"An American POW in a WWII Japanese internment befriends an abused camp dog who assists him in a daring escape, forcing them to face their ultimate fight for survival."

As a story, I love it. Seems to one for the heartstrings. Best of luck with it, Claire!

Thanks for your thoughts GregLucM!

I like this a lot, in that it cuts right to the chase (as it were). We have a protagonist in dire straights, who finds aid and inspiration in an animal companion, and then the inciting action in the escape that promises more action and drama.

There is plenty of room for character building on all sides (in full script, you'd want to be cautious about wholly demonizing the Japanese antagonists; not only for cultural and historical sensitivity, but also because the best stories have multi-dimensional antagonists as well), but we know enough to want more.