A reluctant Witch rescues a repentant Witch hunter to save her family and investigate a conspiracy that could destroy Elizabethan England.

Neer Shelter · Legend · 39,985 pts August 7, 2016

As DPG pointed out, I did take liberties with the narrative - it's safe to assume the bulk of the series has been structured, but it can't hurt to give a few fresh ideas.

That said, the main concern I have with the logline is the lake of clear and immediate personal stakes and causality between the events.
I'm sure that much?work?has been done, but it's not coming through in the logline.
Without further detail regarding the plot, it's hard to know exactly what the inciting incident is and how it and the stakes are causally linked to her family, the royal family and the security of the kingdom at large.

Even in series with a seasonal long narrative, which is what this is sounding like, the strength of the first episode is what counts most for selling and attracting audiences. The quality of the primary motivating event, in the first ep, will have a significant impact on how compelling the series will be as a whole. For example in Breaking Bad, if Walter White wasn't diagnosed with cancer his character would not have been as endearing nor would his action be as compelling. ?Same with our witch here - if her motivation, as established in the first episode, isn't powerful enough to motivate her to do the voodoo that she do so well (pun intended?), then the resulting narrative in the rest of the season runs the risk of being weak.

Therefore it may be better to think of the logline as a description of episode one instead?of a whole season - what was the event that initially motivated the witch to team up with a witch hunter?

Former member · Legend · 114,968 pts August 5, 2016

I agree with much of what Nir Shelter has said. ?A interest-catching logline needs to layout the stakes. ?And the stakes would have to be really big to sustain a series. ?And the two biggest stakes of the time period ?would be the fate of the Queen Elizabeth and the Protestant versus Catholic rivalry for religious supremacy.

But from earlier posts, I gather that the die is cast in terms of the script. ?So rather than try to rework the setup, based upon what I can surmise, here is my go at what seems to already have been written:

A witch reluctant to use her powers teams up with a witch hunter with a conscience to save her family?from persecution only to stumble upon a conspiracy to overthrow Queen Elizabeth.
(32 words)

Or is it the case that the witch hunter is a coward, hasn't got the guts to follow through with his religious conviction that witches should be burned at the stake? ?In which case the logline might be something like:

A timid witch teams up with a reluctant witch hunter to save her family from persecution only to stumble upon a conspiracy to overthrow Queen Elizabeth.
(25 words)

Whatever, the story seems to team up an odd couple?who start out to solve one dramatic problem only to discover "a mountain behind the mountain", a greater dramatic problem with greater stakes that render her own problem petty and insignificant in comparison.

And I'm guessing the pilot ends on the cliffhanger beat of the discovery to hook viewers into coming back to find out what happens next.

I like the odd couple match up. ?I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship -- with lots of conflict. ?Good luck with the project.

dogger · Legend · 87,055 pts August 5, 2016