New Update feedback is much appreciated: A yakuza assassin defects after accepting a mission to escort a mysterious young girl. Uncovering her past, his mission becomes a desperate plight to save her.

>>>He's saving her from other yakuza members because the girl is an important commodity to them.

Commodity for what purpose? To be exploited as a prostitute? The logline needs to be more specific as to the nature of her jeopardy.

And what is so special about this girl that induces the protagonist to violate his loyalty to the yakuza? Surely she is not the first girl to be "commodified".? And surely he is not so naive as to not know that such commodification is part of the yakuza's stock and trade.

So why this particular girl? And why now?

>>>He's saving her from other yakuza members because the girl is an important commodity to them.

Commodity for what purpose? To be exploited as a prostitute? The logline needs to be more specific as to the nature of her jeopardy.

And what is so special about this girl that induces the protagonist to violate his loyalty to the yakuza? Surely she is not the first girl to be "commodified".? And surely he is not so naive as to not know that such commodification is part of the yakuza's stock and trade.

So why this particular girl? And why now?

I do think this logline could be tightened up a little bit.

Basically, you just need to let us know what is threatening the girl.

In other words, if saving the girl is the goal, then the movie starts when the girl is threatened. (I mean a specific threat that the reader can visualize)

But I like the premise. These types of stories are usually fun, the tough guy who gets paired with a (Usually wisecracking ) kid.