Categories: Drama
Agree, stakes aren't high enough. What's the International Robotics Competition... is it life or death?? The way it is, you're setting up a final scene where.... we'll just watch two robots painting pictures against each other? And then?how does the teen girl prove it's her design when she's pitted against a ? presumably ? powerful corporation.
If her mother plays a major part, the plot should aim to save her, maybe without this program, her mother's only connection to the world?and her daughter?disappears, something like that.
A girl enter her robot in a competition against the corporation that is using technology stole from her to expose the thief and (get justice)...
Whatever her motives are? I hope this helps.
Agree with JanCabal.? The plot begins when her mentor steals her innovation.? The information about her mother is backstory, and although part of the story is extraneous for the purpose of a logline.
Further, it's unclear as to whether the app creates art ex nihilo by itself or whether the app is a tool? her paralyzed mother can use to enable her to resume her art.? I'm guessing the latter, but I shouldn't have to guess.? The logline should be clear on the function of the app.
This? logline is the 4th iteration of the same premise, a girl prodigy who can build and program robots.? Seems like this is a premise in search of a? plot.? Given that we are on the cusp of the age of robots,? there are important social and economic implications -- stakes -- worthy of dramatic exploration.?
Agree with JanCabal.? The plot begins when her mentor steals her innovation.? The information about her mother is backstory, and although part of the story is extraneous for the purpose of a logline.
Further, it's unclear as to whether the app creates art ex nihilo by itself or whether the app is a tool? her paralyzed mother can use to enable her to resume her art.? I'm guessing the latter, but I shouldn't have to guess.? The logline should be clear on the function of the app.
This? logline is the 4th iteration of the same premise, a girl prodigy who can build and program robots.? Seems like this is a premise in search of a? plot.? Given that we are on the cusp of the age of robots,? there are important social and economic implications -- stakes -- worthy of dramatic exploration.?
Man I think that you may have perhaps fallen into a trap that I got into myself many times. You design a story or idea in your head and then you are trying to create a logline for it. If that;s the case, then I would suggest to first design a logline and then create a story for it.
The note about paralysed mother is a back story that doesnt need to be there as she may play a part as a motivation but its not directly inside the A story. Stakes are not high enough. What happens if she loses the competition? Loses the art robot and goes home? How wining that competition helps her to expose the truth? and who is the antagonist? The mentor or the corporation?
I think that you really like the idea of robotics competition. But it might be hard to implement it as a major event to work in this kind of story.
Hero: teen student of robotics
Main Goal: win robotics competition or frame judas mentor for plagiarism.
Antagonist forces: mentor who wants to prevent her from wining or prevent her fron exposing him
Inciting incident: invention is stolen.
But still i dont see very high stakes. Will think about it
