A teenage girl finds out who she is when she discovers that she is pregnant.

SO, we came up with one, after utilizing all your feedback:
Flower is a short film about a teen who has to navigate messy, dysfunctional relationships and the recent discovery that she's pregnant.

Thoughts?

Sorry about your current "environment", but I'm glad you found this site to be helpful, as I have. If that's your first screenplay concept, and logline, you're off to a very good start. You can contact me, and others I'm sure, if you want more "constructive and positive environments elsehwere. I've learned so much from Karel and others here, and our networking started others places before this, so we're out there!

Thanks to you all!!! This screenplay is my first and the environment I'm in doesn't provide much constructive feedback. sharkeatingman....so helpful. Thank you. I really appreciate the time you all took to give feedback.

"We were trying to figure out what we could say with the least amount of words."
That is always the goal, but you generally have the freedom of 25 words, or no more (generally, speaking) of 30 words, so you still have plenty of room for some facts.

Example: "An immature pregnant girl must learn to grow up quickly so she can care for a new baby, and her father, suddenly bedridden with a stroke."

You have the protag (girl), her goal (growing up quickly), her stakes (losing her baby and/or father), inner conflict (immaturity), outer conflict (caring for a suddenly ill parent), genre (drama), and "hook" (babies taking care of babies taking care of parents- very timely story). It was done in 26 words.

Hope this break-down helped a bit!

That clarification is helpful.

When you say "has to decide", this indicates this is an inner process. Film is visual, so you need to externalize the decision-making process by creating action. This is done by giving the character a visible goal.

I really appreciate all the feedback. We were trying to figure out what we could say with the least amount of words.
Basically, it's a short film about a girl, from a broken home who has to decide between the love/acceptance of her boyfriend by having an abortion and having her child.