A troubled young man converts to Islam to please his Muslim girlfriend, gets set up by a psychopathic terrorist in a train bomb attack, he must evacuate his frantic landsmen before a ticking time-bomb kills them.

Thanks again dpg.

MC converted because he thought that it is what his girlfriend wanted. His girlfriend has been disowned by her family because of him(none Muslim). MC got into the line of a stray bullet. What I mean is that he converted and came into contact with a terrorist on a mission in his country of Norway. The terrorist is in disguise and looking for scapegoat.

When a naive young man who converted to Islam for a girl's love realizes he is being used as the fall?guy in a terrorist conspiracy, he has 30 minutes to thwart the plot.
(34 words)

(One thing that is still unclear to me is whether the girl is a co-conspirator. ?Does she know she's being used to bait him into the conspiracy? ?Is that her intention in persuading him to convert?)

When a naive young man who converted to Islam for a girl's love realizes he is being used as the fall?guy in a terrorist conspiracy, he has 30 minutes to thwart the plot.
(34 words)

(One thing that is still unclear to me is whether the girl is a co-conspirator. ?Does she know she's being used to bait him into the conspiracy? ?Is that her intention in persuading him to convert?)

Thanks guys.

I have done some rewrite and will appreciate a feedback.

"When a naive young man converts to Islam for the love of a girl, he becomes a target in a terrorist conspiracy against his country, he has 30 minutes to thwart their plot and save his landsmen."

I think you miss understood the point DPG was making in his post.

My opinion is that your concept lacks enough substance and logic to suffice for a feature film. I recommend you either invest your time and effort in a different concept all together, or FUNDAMENTALLY change the current one.

If you choose the latter (despite all previous comments given) one suggestion I can make is to employ a protagonist/antagonist relationship as the central relationship in the story instead of the love story. In this case the young man converts, for what ever reason - love, ideology or what ever fits the theme, and as a result gets involved with a mentor that turns out to be mad. Towards the end of act one our protagonist realizes that the mentor is planning a terror attack - inciting incident, as a result of this he must fight the mentor gone antagonist to save his fellow countrymen and women on the train.

All the best.

>>A naive young man converts to Islam for the love of a girl, winds up in the middle of a terror plot against his country.

Getting better, but it still describes more of a situation-- and a good one-- than a plot. And it frames him as more the victim of his folly than the agent of his redemption. The plot is what he must do when he realizes his folly, that he's been used. So maybe:

When a naive young man converts to Islam for the love of a girl only to discover he's being used in a terrorist conspiracy, he has 2 hours to thwart their plot."
(32 words)

This logline suggests beginning the story in media res -- the middle of the conflict. That is, hit the floor running with dramatic tension, with conflict, with an opening scene where he is already frantically trying to find out where the bomb has been planted. ?Then, perhaps, interweave with backflashes explaining how this crisis arose, how he got himself into his dramatic predicament.

A tough writing challenge, but when done well, it makes for a more engrossing script and ?movie. An excellent example is "Michael Clayton". It ?opens ?with a tense opening teaser that builds to a "WTF!" car explosion on page 16, then flashes back to the beginning, to show how Michael Clayton got himself in such a predicament. ?You can download a pdf of the script here. ?Well worth studying, imho. And viewing , if you haven't already.

Thanks dpg, I tried a different approach.

"A naive young man converts to Islam for the love of a girl, winds up in the middle of a terror plot against his country."

>>Act1 through 2 is about a difficult relationship between the young lovers from two opposite religions.

>>...this is a love story that gone bad. The train scene is basically in the third act.

Then, technically, for the purpose of a logline that is what the story is about. The purpose of a logline is to outline the action in the 1st 2 Acts? -- but not the 3rd Act.

Act 1: An inciting incident motivates a flawed character to...
Act 2: Struggle for an objective goal against an antagonist and obstacles.
Act 3: Will he succeed or fail? (The implied question of the logline. Read the script to find out the answer.)

As our comments to your various versions of the script indicate, that is how we've been reading the logline.? Which is why I wondered how a few minutes of sheer panic in the train could be stretched to fill the entire 2nd Act (at least ), equivalent to an hour of screen time.

And, alas,?that is how movie producers and script readers are going to interpret the logline.? They will expect the conspiracy to blow up the train to start unfolding early in Act 2. When they find out that is not the case, that it doesn't begin until Act 3, well...

The terrorist conspiracy seems to be the Act 3 Big Reveal, what the young man finds out he has been duped into. And the Big Reveal shouldn't be disclosed in a logline.

I realize my remarks are pointing out the problem, not the solution. All I can suggest is to consider whether your frustration in writing a logline is a sign of a more fundamental problem: how the story itself is framed.? This can be the unpleasant -- but informative -- Big Reveal of the logline process: it exposes weaknesses and flaws in the structure of the script itself.? It forces us to ask, again... and again... and again ad nauseum: "What is?the story really about?"

I don't have the answer to that question for your story.? Except that for me,?the logline suggests a story of a?callow young man who?converts to Islam for the wrong reason, for the love of? a girl rather than the love of Allah.? Unintended consequences ensue.

fwiw