A twenty eight year old woman is about to get engaged to her great boyfriend, when the ex she hasn’t gotten over moves back into town. All of a sudden she isn’t sure if her boyfriend is really the one, and so she spends time decorating her ex’s new condo, trying to figure it all out.

I am inclined to agree with Tor Dollhouse. But, being more analytic, and getting back to the original logline without the embellishments, my view is:

Firstly, definitely verbose. Half the words could be hatcheted off as they add no interest to the reader's take on the story.

Secondly, the girl in this story comes across as a real ditz. Which is both boring and politically incorrect. (This incorrectness will definitely impede any prospects for government funding, as those kind of funding bodies want to see women portrayed more 'acceptably'.) Even if this story is supposed to be some quirky comedy, an all-ditzy girl is yawnsome. The logline must hint that this girl has at least a modicum of substance.

Thirdly, rather than telling the reader that her current boyfriend is "great", use adjectives that imply this. For example, is he a doctor? Is he an international charity worker? Or perhaps just a good listener and an uber-understanding kind of guy?

Similarly, the logline fails to use adjectives that set up an engaging contrast between the two male rivals. For example, a 'proper' and responsible boyfriend versus a fun-loving and carefree ex. Or a nice and understanding guy versus a cocky and unashamedly masculine ex. (I am trying to steer away from the often-done "bad boy" ex with these examples.)

Fifthly, the 'decorating the condo' scenario is lame and has no symbolic nor metaphorical value. A well-written film would include some nominal task that could be used as a metaphor for the choice that the girl must face. Such as clearing out an attic full of her old childhood and teenhood things. Or resuscitating an abandoned garden. Or pulling down her old cubby house. Or similar.

In summary, there is nothing in the logline that suggests or hints that the script is at all well-written. And quite a lot to suggest the contrary. Which is a shame if the script happens to be quality. This is an anti-logline in that case.

Steven Fernandez (Judge)

Im surprised this logline made it to the blacklist.. maybe the script was a decent read

Yeah.. Mine sounds like its about her getting obsessed with decorating. :(