After a celebrity impersonator learns that both his wife and mistress are pregnant, he struggles with keeping the pregnancies secret. But after admitting to living an adulterous lifestyle, he winds up as a vagrant without hope of ever rebuilding his life.

by Pstone · Penpusher · 110 pts 399 views

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4 reviews

Former member · Singularity · 114,968 pts

Agree with variable's points.? Particularly that covering up the pregnancies doesn't work as an objective goal because it's negative.? Objectives goals are positive, proactive. (At least positive from the protagonist's point of view.? It could play out that it's the wrong goal, but at the time he makes it -- at the turn of Act1 -- he believes it's positive in terms of his self-interest.)

>>>he winds up as a vagrant without hope of ever rebuilding his life.

Is this denouement, how he ends up?? If so it's a spoiler, and a logline should never contain a spoiler, how the story ends.? If it's not where does it belong in the plot?? Is it a midpoint reversal?

dogger · Singularity · 87,055 pts

Agree with variable's points.? Particularly that covering up the pregnancies doesn't work as an objective goal because it's negative.? Objectives goals are positive, proactive. (At least positive from the protagonist's point of view.? It could play out that it's the wrong goal, but at the time he makes it -- at the turn of Act1 -- he believes it's positive in terms of his self-interest.)

>>>he winds up as a vagrant without hope of ever rebuilding his life.

Is this denouement, how he ends up?? If so it's a spoiler, and a logline should never contain a spoiler, how the story ends.? If it's not where does it belong in the plot?? Is it a midpoint reversal?

variable · Mentor · 6,740 pts

Pstone:

Even if he met his mistress being an impersonator, it doesn't go into the logline unless it contributes to event-character-goal dynamics. Which it doesn't, so I'm substituting it for an adulterer for now...

also,
You said "his learning they are pregnant" isn't the INCITING EVENT........that the event happened before.
WHAT EXACTLY IS IT since it is a MANDATORY part of the logline

If you want me to trim your version, here you go:
"After impregnating both his wife and mistress, an adulterer must keep it a secret or risk winding up a vagrant"

It's obvious that this action "keeping their pregnancies a secret" cannot sustain a feature length plot (as pointed out by Jessie...thanks J)

Also it's a selfish goal--to keep a secret, to save his a** from being on the line

I strongly suggest you to HAVE A BETTER GOAL
Because this premise of living two lives, is worth investing your time into...