Categories: Public
Mobbing
young insecure girl -- Insecure teen (You say 'she' later on so you don't need to say girl)
who lost her boyfriend by an accident,-- When her boyfriend dies (Don't need to tell us by accident)
is sending -- Sends
a naked video to a strange men -- begins sexting random men (A bit more colloquial)
which is causing bullying attacks at school -- (This whole part should either be changed or used as the inciting incident) (Such as, When an insecure teen becomes the target of bulling after her sexting video goes viral)
she is moving- she moves
to a new town to build friendship (Transfers to a new school)
but the cyber attacks continue (but the cyber bullying continues)
and increase her depression. (Drop this, she needs a pro-active goal)
Hope that helps, good luck with this!
My take:
"After a young naive, nerdy girl gets bullied by a charismatic classmate because of a naked video, she leaves town depressed, but the cyber attacks continue - until she starts to fights back through internet viruses."
The boyfriend is still in the story but because he's not 'key', make him part of the synopsis. Hey - if her friend wakes up from a coma, he can help her defeat her enemy in the last act - after it seems all hope is lost.
Hello,
too complicated.
First, be sure to read this: http://www.raindance.org/10-tips-for-writing-loglines/
Ask yourself: what is your story about. Try to answer in the most basic and simple way.
Is it the story of a girl who did a naked video and can't deal with her boyfriend's catholic family?
Or is it the story of a girl who is cyberbullied ?
These are two differents story. You have to make a creative choice. You can have one as the main story and the second as B story (the B sotry doesn't appear in the logline).
I think the story of a girl who is cyberbullied is much more interesting and original, but you have to choose by yourself.
You have to give a clear goal to your main character and the goal must be included in the logline.
