After the death of a longtime friend, a man’s forgotten imagination is rekindled by his daughter.
by alxndrlane · Penpusher · 20 pts
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Categories: Drama
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6 reviews
After reading the short, I affirm that this needs to proceed with the daughter front and center. I believe she should be the main character who helps her father get over his friends tragic death. See the return notes that I sent you.
While the short was well written and certainly a heart warming tale, too much of it is on the imagination side, when the opportunity to have his daughter, who only appears in the 2nd half of the script, can be used to draw out this man's grief after he finds out that his childhood friend, the one who he plays fake astronaut with, ?actually does become a real astronaut, yet dies on a space mission.
"A daughter helps her father to recreate his childhood moments and come to terms with his best friend's tragic death."
The inciting incident seems vague, how can a person forget his own imagination and how can a friend dying cause that?
Other wise, the stakes are not clear, what's the worst that can happen should he not get his imagination back?
Perhaps you should add a stakes character or stakes event: i.e the memory and imagination must be restored by a certain date in order to win a competition or help a person close to them?
For clarity, is the daughter, the lead characters daughter, or is it the daughter of the friend, because it can be read both ways?