As dimensional portals bring refugees from an another earth, a disillusioned border agent encounters his alternate-earth daughter and becomes torn between following orders, or protecting an alternate world from annihilation.

One other thought:? I suggest narrowing the focus of his objective goal in the logline to merely saving his daughter.? That has to be the most paramount goal in any parent's mind, right?? ?And it's good enough for plotting purposes.

I like to view a plot as a poker game.? Initially, the protagonist only has to put in a few chips [risk, effort)]to get into the game.? The major plot points are betting rounds, where he must see and raise, put more and more? and more chips into the pot [escalating risk, effort] to stay in the game.? Ultimately, he will have to push every chip into the pot.

Transposing the poker analogy to your story, it could be that initially he thinks he can rescue his? daughter with a minimum? bet [risk and effort].? (And only his daughter:? not because he's selfish but because he's just one man; he doesn't have the power, the ways and means, to rescue every one.)

Only to discover he has to make bigger bets [risk, effort].? Finally, he realizes that the only way he can save his daughter is to push every chip into the pot [including his life] to incite a rebellion that liberates the others.

fwiw

One other thought:? I suggest narrowing the focus of his objective goal in the logline to merely saving his daughter.? That has to be the most paramount goal in any parent's mind, right?? ?And it's good enough for plotting purposes.

I like to view a plot as a poker game.? Initially, the protagonist only has to put in a few chips [risk, effort)]to get into the game.? The major plot points are betting rounds, where he must see and raise, put more and more? and more chips into the pot [escalating risk, effort] to stay in the game.? Ultimately, he will have to push every chip into the pot.

Transposing the poker analogy to your story, it could be that initially he thinks he can rescue his? daughter with a minimum? bet [risk and effort].? (And only his daughter:? not because he's selfish but because he's just one man; he doesn't have the power, the ways and means, to rescue every one.)

Only to discover he has to make bigger bets [risk, effort].? Finally, he realizes that the only way he can save his daughter is to push every chip into the pot [including his life] to incite a rebellion that liberates the others.

fwiw

Hi Dpg,

Yep, that's how this idea came up in the first place. The separations of families and handling of the crisis in general has been inspiring (sadly).

I'll play around with the action/plan. Obviously the disobey/abandon/defy his orders pits him against an antagonist(s), which is the tricky part to fit in.

Thanks for your advice!

lxdengar:

I believe that "disobey' still begs the question.? Disobey orders to do what?? And then do what instead?? it's not enough to just say "No!" to orders.? The protagonist must say "Yes!" to an alternative action plan .? What is that alternative action plan?

Also: do you envision your concept as an allegory of the illegal immigration crisis affecting nations around the world?

lxdengar:

I believe that "disobey' still begs the question.? Disobey orders to do what?? And then do what instead?? it's not enough to just say "No!" to orders.? The protagonist must say "Yes!" to an alternative action plan .? What is that alternative action plan?

Also: do you envision your concept as an allegory of the illegal immigration crisis affecting nations around the world?

Hi Dpg,

Thank you. You're right, 'abandon' feels passive - as if he could simply ignore his orders without consequence. How about 'disobey'?

I see your point about the refugee status, since I haven't made it clear that things aren't going well for refugees.? I'm adding the word 'illegal.'

>>>he must abandon his orders.
A logline should be a succinct statement of a protagonist's objective goal. Objectives goals are proactively struggled for. ?Abandoning orders? is not an objective goal. It's reactive instead of proactive. What must he DO instead of follow his orders? What's his game plan to resolve his dramatic dilemma?

And I don't see why it's up to him to save an alternate world. Or why he should want to or need to. His daughter has escaped as a refugee .? What's the personal stakes for him?

>>>he must abandon his orders.
A logline should be a succinct statement of a protagonist's objective goal. Objectives goals are proactively struggled for. ?Abandoning orders? is not an objective goal. It's reactive instead of proactive. What must he DO instead of follow his orders? What's his game plan to resolve his dramatic dilemma?

And I don't see why it's up to him to save an alternate world. Or why he should want to or need to. His daughter has escaped as a refugee .? What's the personal stakes for him?