by keithrafalko · Initiate · 65 pts
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Hi Keithrafalko.
I have a pilot and bible for a series with a producer for a major broadcaster at the moment as well (unfortunately can't yet divulge any details either). Can say from experience that the prime focus of a pilot is to setup a character and demonstrate the ongoing action they will take throughout a series, differing genre and formats notwithstanding.
To that matter a series logline needs to identify the major plot components that will enable this over an entire season, so it's a really good thing that you're working on the series loglin now. I strongly recommend re working the current one, as it doesn't do the above.
On a side note I found it very helpful to derive a logline for each ep from the main series one and if I struggled doing that the main series logline was flawed.
Hope this helps.
>> the mob and CIA been in cahoots for years and this is lightly based off a true story
It's not exactly a state secret that the CIA has worked with the mob on international hit jobs -- like attempting to assassinate Castro. But conspiring with the mob on domestic hit jobs is a whole other ball game. I'm not saying the CIA has never played that game. Who knows? They operate in the shadows and along the borders of legality.
But I seriously doubt if it constitutes standard operating procedure. And I have no doubt that such cases would be blatantly illegal -- in egregious and intentional violation of federal statutes. And there is no way the CIA could cover its rear end politically before the U.S. Congress and the legally in the federal courts if the cover was blown (as they can and do on international jobs).
And if that's the covert and illegal game your protagonist is playing -- you gotta hook. Well, one that hooks my interest, a story line more interesting than the ol' yada-yada about double agents and dual lives. Not only because he would be operating outside the bounds of the law, but because of the additional jeopardy and stakes such illegal activity entails: if he's caught, if his cover is blown, the agency won't come to his rescue, won't bring him in from the cold. He will be abandoned to twist slowly, slowly in the wind (to mix/mangle metaphors) or he would be "allowed" to be terminated with extreme prejudice.
"The problem with living outside the law is that you no longer have its protection."
-- Truman Capote
And if that's the hook, best wishes with your project.
>> the mob and CIA been in cahoots for years and this is lightly based off a true story
It's not exactly a state secret that the CIA has worked with the mob on international hit jobs -- like attempting to assassinate Castro. But conspiring with the mob on domestic hit jobs is a whole other ball game. I'm not saying the CIA has never played that game. Who knows? They operate in the shadows and along the borders of legality.
But I seriously doubt if it constitutes standard operating procedure. And I have no doubt that such cases would be blatantly illegal -- in egregious and intentional violation of federal statutes. And there is no way the CIA could cover its rear end politically before the U.S. Congress and the legally in the federal courts if the cover was blown (as they can and do on international jobs).
And if that's the covert and illegal game your protagonist is playing -- you gotta hook. Well, one that hooks my interest, a story line more interesting than the ol' yada-yada about double agents and dual lives. Not only because he would be operating outside the bounds of the law, but because of the additional jeopardy and stakes such illegal activity entails: if he's caught, if his cover is blown, the agency won't come to his rescue, won't bring him in from the cold. He will be abandoned to twist slowly, slowly in the wind (to mix/mangle metaphors) or he would be "allowed" to be terminated with extreme prejudice.
"The problem with living outside the law is that you no longer have its protection."
-- Truman Capote
And if that's the hook, best wishes with your project.
I wish my other projects didnt have legs because the agency approved this and not all the others. Sorry just could not give out as much info as people would like.
Thanks everyone. The FBI does not work or able to tie in. No back story in pilot at all, it is all about the arc. Our agent and manager approved of the pilot and the series and are excited, just missing out on the logline right now so they can submit. I have researched the CIA very well, apparently not many have since the mob and CIA been in cahoots for years and this is lightly based off a true story. If WME agent approves I know we have something, just not able to give out every detail to the storylines. I truly do appreciate all your feedback and truly have and do take it all into consideration. I knew our logline was way off and I was burned out on it so decided to take a shot here as I am very glad I did because all your input has truly helped and I am grateful for all of you as well as this site.
Protagonists who are double-agents, who live dual lives is a rather tried and true trope. So is the dichotomy of the brass knucles thug at work, the soft-touch paterfamilias at home, particularly since "The Godfather" series that redefined -- and re-invigorated -- the gangster genre.
My point is that even if I buy all the premises of the concept (and I share the concerns raised by Richiev, Nir Shelter and Valentin) I don't see a novel and compelling hook. Something fresh and original, that's never been tried before.
And now that it's been explained the logline is for a series not a feature, I don't get the sense that the concept has legs. By legs, I mean that a concept that has the strength (in complications and characters) for a dramatic marathon not a dramatic sprint; it can hold a viewing audience's interest not just one time for 2 hours, but for an hour week after week after weeks for years.
Maybe it has legs, but I just don't see them at the moment.
