Devon Howard has built the best police force in the history of New York City. Now they’re turning on him. Will Howard win the war on crime and lose the troops?

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9 reviews

jbushill · Penpusher · 100 pts

I'm assuming that Devon Howard is chief of police (like the character name btw, not sure needed in logline though). I'm fascinated by the concept. Needs more information to grab me though. Left with lots of questions. Why is he losing the troops? Some indiscretion on his part? Corruption, adultery?? Agree with Karel that you need to state a specific aim rather than just winning the war on crime, which doesn't really mean anything and isn't plausible.
Overall, v interesting concept, needs more specifics.

Karel Segers · Mentor · 2,820 pts

Should never put the name who is Howard a cop..? If so just mention a "cop"

writerobrien · Penpusher · 50 pts

I see what everyone else is saying here, but it definitely intrigues me. I would, however, prefer to know the function of the main character.

Former member · Singularity · 114,968 pts

I agree with the previous comments. If you replace the name (especially as you use both first and last names) you could include both his job and a one word description. Such as Determined Mayor, Noble Chief.

Also, it's a little vague. Why are they turning on him? And what's at stake if they do? His life, his job? A little more concrete specifics would go a long way.