(First revision) When townsfolk reject an attention-craving man by magically transforming him into a ghost, he must seek the help of other rejected ghosts in order to find a way to break the curse before it becomes permanent.

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8 reviews

Former member · Singularity · 114,968 pts

Scott:

Suggestion: go Kafkaesque with your premise. In Franz Kafka's "The Trial", Joseph K. is arrested and put on a trial.? But he doesn't why, what he is accused of doing, what he is supposed to be guilty.? And no one will tell him even as he's found guilty and sentenced to death.

So have a modern day Joseph K.? He's popular,? lots of friends on Facebook, followers on Twitter, etc.? Maybe he's even a celebrity, a social influencer on the internet.? Whatever.

Then the inciting incident:? he wakes up one day to find he has been ghosted.? By the whole world.? No one will respond to him on social media or email; no one reads his Twitters or "likes" anything he posts on Facebook or on Instagram.? No one emails him or responds to emails; no one calls or return his calls.? He doesn't know why, what he has done wrong, and no one will tell him.

fwiw

dogger · Singularity · 87,055 pts

Scott:

Suggestion: go Kafkaesque with your premise. In Franz Kafka's "The Trial", Joseph K. is arrested and put on a trial.? But he doesn't why, what he is accused of doing, what he is supposed to be guilty.? And no one will tell him even as he's found guilty and sentenced to death.

So have a modern day Joseph K.? He's popular,? lots of friends on Facebook, followers on Twitter, etc.? Maybe he's even a celebrity, a social influencer on the internet.? Whatever.

Then the inciting incident:? he wakes up one day to find he has been ghosted.? By the whole world.? No one will respond to him on social media or email; no one reads his Twitters or "likes" anything he posts on Facebook or on Instagram.? No one emails him or responds to emails; no one calls or return his calls.? He doesn't know why, what he has done wrong, and no one will tell him.

fwiw

Former member · Singularity · 114,968 pts

Scott:

>>at least let me ask why you think the premise doesn't work? Not even in a fantasy?

Viewers will suspend disbelief for factual fabulism, for fantasy story worlds that are untethered from how things are in the real world.? But they will never suspend disbelief for emotional fabulism, for motivations and feelings that are untethered from how people feel and are motivated to act in the real world.

I have no problem believing that the protagonist in your premise covets attention.? That's an all too human motivation.? But I am unable to suspend disbelief that the response of the ruling elite is to imprison him in some kind of ghost costume.? All. They.? Have. To. Do. Is. Ignore. Him.? For a narcissist, to be ignored is a living hell.? He becomes a ghost simply being ignored.

Furthermore, there is nothing in the logline, nor have you offered any reason in the discussion thread why I should sympathize with him.? He's done nothing in the reel world of the story to earn the attention he craves.? Nor to earn my attention as a movie viewer in the real world.

Again, my 2.5 cents worth.