In a future where writing is forbidden and technology rules, the last Scribe, and an Android implanted with humanities history must stop an evil corporation from enslaving the masses with its latest device.

Plato (and Socrates) distrusted the unwashed masses to rule themselves; ergo, philosopher-kings. So learning to reading and writing were skills that would be reserved for a small elite.

And that, it seems, to me is a more interesting concept to explore: a Socratic STEM "Republic", where literacy is a monopoly tightly controlled by an techno-oligarchy. And such literacy focuses on STEM subjects (Science, Technology, Engineering and Math). The humanities have been relegated to the delete bin.

This seems to be situation implied in the logline "an Android implanted with humanities history" -- and if that is the case, I think the logline needs a better focus.

Plato (and Socrates) distrusted the unwashed masses to rule themselves; ergo, philosopher-kings. So learning to reading and writing were skills that would be reserved for a small elite.

And that, it seems, to me is a more interesting concept to explore: a Socratic STEM "Republic", where literacy is a monopoly tightly controlled by an techno-oligarchy. And such literacy focuses on STEM subjects (Science, Technology, Engineering and Math). The humanities have been relegated to the delete bin.

This seems to be situation implied in the logline "an Android implanted with humanities history" -- and if that is the case, I think the logline needs a better focus.

In the last iteration of the logline the read is smother as it is less wordy but as DPG remarked the basic logic introduced raises more questions than it should.

Additionally what is at stake for the scribe except loosing work?
What makes this a personal story for him?
Why do they need to stop the corporation now as in what starts them off on their journeys?

Hope this helps.

PITA! Thats great I love it.

You and me both...

"Fahrenheit 451" Ray Bradbury - books are outlawed. So how are laws written down? Doesn't really matter.

Plato was opposed to people being taught to read and write. He believed that it would lower the average intelligence as people would no longer have to rely on their memory. Perhaps this is a "Brave New World" scenario where classes of people are allowed different things.

I think the logline works because the questions it raise aren't about the story like "that doesn't make sense". The questions it raises for me is "I wonder how the writer does that?".

>>>This is already becoming more evident in our

Actually, our world is more dependent on written text than ever to support the technological infrastructure. For example, somebody has to write all that C++, HTML, and JavaScript code -- hundreds of millions of lines, billions of characters -- that makes all the web magic happen -- and document it so it can be maintained.

But in your fantasy world, you can create any rules you want --- as long as you can also make the audience suspend disbelief. Which obviously, is not happening with me. But I'm only one person; others' mileage may vary. And I am a certified PITA (pain in the ass), someone who tends to kick the tires on a story premise. Hard. Very hard.

That being stipulated, why would writing be forbidden in your dystopic world? What problem does writing create for the BBC (Big Bad Corp) that it must be extinguished? IOW: What is the dramatic causal relationship between the disappearance of writing and the tyranny of the BBC.

>>>This is already becoming more evident in our

Actually, our world is more dependent on written text than ever to support the technological infrastructure. For example, somebody has to write all that C++, HTML, and JavaScript code -- hundreds of millions of lines, billions of characters -- that makes all the web magic happen -- and document it so it can be maintained.

But in your fantasy world, you can create any rules you want --- as long as you can also make the audience suspend disbelief. Which obviously, is not happening with me. But I'm only one person; others' mileage may vary. And I am a certified PITA (pain in the ass), someone who tends to kick the tires on a story premise. Hard. Very hard.

That being stipulated, why would writing be forbidden in your dystopic world? What problem does writing create for the BBC (Big Bad Corp) that it must be extinguished? IOW: What is the dramatic causal relationship between the disappearance of writing and the tyranny of the BBC.

I'm starting to understand what you mean Craig. DPG, its a future that is fully technologically controlled, there is simply no need for writing. This is already becoming more evident in our current day, I've just taken it to the extreme :)

In this dystopic future, how is it possible for technology to created, manufactured, and maintained without "writing", the written word?

In this dystopic future, how is it possible for technology to created, manufactured, and maintained without "writing", the written word?

When it comes to logline writing I struggle. I hate the little mongrels. I use this site as logline bootcamp. Writing my own and review other builds my skills.

Bingo.

Thanks heaps again Craig, you seem to be a shining light in this logline writing process. I get what you mean about the device, fresh eyes really do help.

This does sound much better,

In a future where writing is forbidden and technology rules, the last Scribe, and an Android implanted with humanities history must stop an evil corporation from using its latest device to enslave the masses.

Nice. Just needs polishing. Nothing fatal. I can see the story (Which is the logline's function after all ). The last bit reads less fluid than the start. From corporation isn't as good as the start. I know what you are saying. But, it could also mean, that the masses have the device and they are being enslaved. When I know you mean the corporation is using the device to enslave.

...to stop a corporation using its latest device to enslave the masses.