In a story where no one is who they seem to be, a young security guard addicted to cocaine finds himself in the midst of a deadly shooting perpetrated by one of his co-workers.

That's better, but wordy. What's a better way to say "a security guard who deals coke"? Coke-dealing guard? Drug-pushing rent-a-cop?

I like the last part, too. I think it works well, actually. It's intriguing and compelling. If it came across my desk, I'd want to at least check out the writing. If that was bearable, I'd probably read it until I was bored or through to the end. Good job!

Geno Scala (sharkeatingman)- judge

woops, typo.

When a security guard who deals coke out of the grocery store where he works finds himself in the midst of a deadly shooting, he discovers that he isn't the only one with a double life.

Thanks for the input. Here is another draft.

When a security guard who deals coke out of the grocery store where he finds himself in the midst of a deadly shooting, he discovers that he isn't the only one with a double life.