Lena is a Demitto, the lowest, most oppressed race in Arcadia, considered only good enough to be a servant. Damien is an Elite, the highest and most powerful of races. Not only is he an Elite — he is the Price of Arcadia and heir to the throne. When their paths cross an unlikely relationship begins that changes both of their lives, and challenges the way of life in Arcadia for all Demittos and Elites.

Agreed with DPG, all god points.

Also it is clear that the theme is class segregation, this can make for a strong story as it is one of the oldest themes used in story telling. What is it about this story though that will set it apart from the rest and make it interesting?

For example in the story of Exodus, from the old testament which is about class segregation, the writers mixed; status (the hero born into royalty discovers he is of the slave class), theology (which god was more powerful), human rights (slavery versus freedom), action (epic battles), magic and wonder (the 10 plagues) and a clear message all humans are born equal.

Well, there's the issue that the logline, at 75 words, w-a-y too long. And then there is the issue that loglines usually introduce characters by their roles (only), not their names.

But it seems to me that the more fundamental issues are 1] a lack of clear, robust inciting incident; 2] A lack of a clear objective goal for the plot the inciting incident creates; and, 3] a lack of a clear impression of obstacles and jeopardy that threatens to bring their love to naught -- factors that create dramatic suspense and tension.

1] "When their paths cross..." -- what does that really mean? Do they fall in love? If so, say so -- because that is far more compelling than merely "crossing paths". If this is a love story bring their passion to the logline.

2] "..an unlikely relationship begins that changes both their lives." Changes how? As a result of their "crossing paths" what becomes their mutual objective goal? When Romeo "crosses" paths with Juliet, they fall passionately in love and resolved to marry....

3]...despite the fact they are families engaged in a bitter and bloody feud --obstacles & jeopardy. What's the jeopardy in "challenges the way of life in Arcadia..."?

Well, there's the issue that the logline, at 75 words, w-a-y too long. And then there is the issue that loglines usually introduce characters by their roles (only), not their names.

But it seems to me that the more fundamental issues are 1] a lack of clear, robust inciting incident; 2] A lack of a clear objective goal for the plot the inciting incident creates; and, 3] a lack of a clear impression of obstacles and jeopardy that threatens to bring their love to naught -- factors that create dramatic suspense and tension.

1] "When their paths cross..." -- what does that really mean? Do they fall in love? If so, say so -- because that is far more compelling than merely "crossing paths". If this is a love story bring their passion to the logline.

2] "..an unlikely relationship begins that changes both their lives." Changes how? As a result of their "crossing paths" what becomes their mutual objective goal? When Romeo "crosses" paths with Juliet, they fall passionately in love and resolved to marry....

3]...despite the fact they are families engaged in a bitter and bloody feud --obstacles & jeopardy. What's the jeopardy in "challenges the way of life in Arcadia..."?