‘Off The Grid’ After moving off the grid, bickering newlyweds accidentally kill the creepy neighbors kid and now must work together to escape the families vengeful wrath.

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8 reviews

Neer Shelter · Singularity · 39,985 pts ★ Accepted

As for the logline, it seems that the story is there: the main characters cause an accident, kill a boy and now have to fend for their lives - fine. The problem is that it sounds rather generic, if not a bit flat. Perhaps if the setting was unique or the way in which the father tries to kill them was original it would help elevate the premise.

Neer Shelter · Singularity · 39,985 pts

Aristotle is the starting point - branch your tree of knowledge out from there. Each book and article you read will likely bring up interesting perspectives on the same points made by others. Ultimately, if you walk away with one or two pearls from each read, you're doing well. As it's all about finding the nuggets of knowledge that work best for you, keep mining the vast landscape of writing about writing, and you'll find your gems.

Mammet is great, his writing and his masterclasses are all worthwhile. A few others to consider; Karel Segers' blog The Story Department, Christopher Vogler, Linda Seger (not related), Film Courage Youtube channel, and obviously Robert McKee.

 

 

yqwertz · Samurai · 2,165 pts

After their car crash kills the neighbors son, newlyweds fight for survival against the fathers lust for vengeance by befriending the red-headed step child.

There are too many non-causal events and unclear relationships. How did "their" car crash kill the "neighbor's son"? Who is the "red-headed step son" and how will befriending him calm the "father's lust for vengeance"?

More importantly though, why should we root for the newlyweds? Do they possess any redeeming qualities to make us prefer that they prevail over their neighbor? As it stands, the audience might prefer to see the grieving father extract his revenge (especially if he could not get the justice he sought from the the state).