When the town bully humiliates him, a mild-mannered cowboy sets out to reclaim his dignity, only to accidentally kill the man, and set off his violent outlaw family.

Agree with Richiev.

Loglines are about objective goals,? places, persons or things that can be visualized on screen.

>>>intends to reclaim his ?dignity?. (Which he later learns is his masculinity.)

What's the visual for "dignity"?? What does "his masculinity" look like? The elements of a logline should map to a visualized object, moment or scene in the film. In terms of cinema. "reclaiming dignity and masculinity" refer to subjective needs.

The logline seems to bury the plot. 21 out of 28 words are about the setup for the plot, only 7 about the plot, the "fun and games" time (a la? the "Save the Cat" paradigm) that happens as a consequence.? And then only indirectly, in terms of? what the deceased's family does, not in terms of what the main character must do.

Agree with Richiev.

Loglines are about objective goals,? places, persons or things that can be visualized on screen.

>>>intends to reclaim his ?dignity?. (Which he later learns is his masculinity.)

What's the visual for "dignity"?? What does "his masculinity" look like? The elements of a logline should map to a visualized object, moment or scene in the film. In terms of cinema. "reclaiming dignity and masculinity" refer to subjective needs.

The logline seems to bury the plot. 21 out of 28 words are about the setup for the plot, only 7 about the plot, the "fun and games" time (a la? the "Save the Cat" paradigm) that happens as a consequence.? And then only indirectly, in terms of? what the deceased's family does, not in terms of what the main character must do.

Okay - thanks for the input everyone.

I'm starting to see this (the story not the logline) as a weird hybrid of High Noon and A Simple Plan.

That's pretty cool.