On an isolated, faraway island, a blind young man lives in between a peaceful religious native community. But when an ambiguous and seditious village member instills in the boy some doubts concerning their religion, harmony is broken and so it begins a spiral of violence that will bring the community to its destruction.

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4 reviews

Agreed with Richieve and DPG.

Loglines are tools used to describe a plot and have been used by the industry for many years, as such there are a few guidelines you can follow when writing one. Check out the 'Formula' tab on the top bar to learn more about logline conventions.

>>>lives in between a peaceful religious native community

rather:? lives among?

>>>will bring the community to its destruction.

A spoiler,? And a logline should never contain a spoiler, a giveaway how the story ends.

>>>so it begins a spiral of violence

Action should not be assigned anonymously or vaguely.? Reword to indicate exactly WHO starts the violence.

The logline lacks an objective goal for the protagonist.? As written the blind young man is reacting to the malevolent village member -- and in a negative, destructive manner.? But a protagonist should be proactive, not reactive.? He should be proactively pursuing a positive goal (in his own mind, anyway) even if his methods are violent and destructive.

fwiw.

>>>lives in between a peaceful religious native community

rather:? lives among?

>>>will bring the community to its destruction.

A spoiler,? And a logline should never contain a spoiler, a giveaway how the story ends.

>>>so it begins a spiral of violence

Action should not be assigned anonymously or vaguely.? Reword to indicate exactly WHO starts the violence.

The logline lacks an objective goal for the protagonist.? As written the blind young man is reacting to the malevolent village member -- and in a negative, destructive manner.? But a protagonist should be proactive, not reactive.? He should be proactively pursuing a positive goal (in his own mind, anyway) even if his methods are violent and destructive.

fwiw.

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