Seduced into a world of drugs, sex, and money after abandoning her loved ones, model-slash-actress hopeful must determine if losing herself, is worth it to become a star.

For the logline I suggest only focusing on the pilot. And as I said before, the pilot should be a self-contained story, a story that shows what the series is about, and opens up ways to continue, but is almost like a movie. So, what plotline does the pilot focus on, what character is the main focus?

The issue is that I don't want the audience to know that the dancer is Karl until later on in the season (approximately episode 3 or 4) but there will be clues (his cell phone cover matches the cell phone cover of the man who was performing oral sex, he will mention something about how he only made 300 bucks in "tips" but we will see the character getting 300 dollars in payout from the club, etc)

Have any of you seen the show mixology(Netflix)? I love the way the storylines flow (as elementary as the show is)

A more mature example would be that of the movie Crash.

Both of these are shot in chron order in a shorter period of time...

Karl is an exotic dancer but he tells everyone, including his Indonesian cousin, that he is a bartender. Every other episode consists of Karl almost being caught or having to cover his tracks- needing a name of this fake catering company he works for, having to explain the fact that he can't answer his phone for long hours, how he has so much money, etc.

I watched the video (thank you SO much for that) and I believe that the show should be based around the Indonesian character or Karl. Indonesia because there is the person (technically persons) of her past that is trying to enter her life present day and Karl because of all the lies he has to tell everyone.

When I start developing a script, I imagine the story as if I were to write it as a 1st person short story. I do this to figure out which character is the main one. In a novel or short story, if it's first person, you don't want a character who is away from the action. In Percy Jackson it is Percy's point of view, and in countless other first person novels.
Television is a bit different because you have the freedom to spend entire episodes without a character, so a few more main characters work. But for a pilot I suggest telling a self-contained story that can be built upon later. A great video, from a great YouTube channel, talks about Breaking Bad's pilot. Here's a link to the video, which I think is a great resource.
I hope this helps.

Imagine sitting opposite an executive and pitching them a story about characters who don't know what they want and haven't got any clear goals. It's basically the same as Seinfeld's pitch for a show about nothing... albeit that worked for him, but it was a parody of TV executives.

What is a good comparison for your show? Can you say: yours is like 'this' meets 'that'?

Let's assume your MC is the Indonesian woman. You wrote she moved to the city in pursuit of her dreams, but what does that mean in a practical sense? Also, what action does she take to achieve them?

Okay, but those "wants" need to be translated into a specific goals which lead to specific actions -- a plot. ?That is what a script has to be about: what characters do about what they want.

And the "doing" (not the wanting, ?not the talking) is what movie makers are looking for in a logline as well as the script.

>>>Graham doesn't know what he wants really, with anything

Then the character is DOA -- dead on arrival. ?Characters who don't know what they want don't belong in a script. ?Drama is about characters who know what they want and actively try to get it. ?It may be a morally bad goal. ?It may turn out to be the wrong goal. ?But every major character must have a plot goal.

A protagonist must, by definition, be proactive.

fwiw

Okay, but those "wants" need to be translated into a specific goals which lead to specific actions -- a plot. ?That is what a script has to be about: what characters do about what they want.

And the "doing" (not the wanting, ?not the talking) is what movie makers are looking for in a logline as well as the script.

>>>Graham doesn't know what he wants really, with anything

Then the character is DOA -- dead on arrival. ?Characters who don't know what they want don't belong in a script. ?Drama is about characters who know what they want and actively try to get it. ?It may be a morally bad goal. ?It may turn out to be the wrong goal. ?But every major character must have a plot goal.

A protagonist must, by definition, be proactive.

fwiw

I know we've been going back and forth a bit but I'd really like to start this off by thanking all of you for your help (and also not making me feel like an absolute idiot).
So thanks everyone :)

Sofie just wants fame, any way she can get it- she's more supporting so I guess I'll kick her out.

Graham doesn't know what he wants really, with anything- from his random day jobs to relationships, unfortunately, there is quite the backstory for his character that is only really revealed through interactions and flashbacks so with that. I'm guessing he's out too?

Which leaves my Indonesian victim of sexual abuse who moved to the city in pursuit of her dreams only to realize that she's only running from her past.

As Richiev said. ?The "star is born" -- and corrupted in the process -- is a been-there-done that plot line. ?What's so special, so unique about this concept that makes it any different (new and improved) from all the rest?

And, again, how does that translate in a specific plot for the pilot? ?A plot with the basic elements of a specific character with a clearly defined objective goal and a specific antagonist and/or clearly defined obstacles?

And stakes? ?What are the stakes?