A man faces an unimaginable crisis when he discovers his new girlfriend –the daughter of a Voodoo queen– is a zombie.

Good points by Koen, Richiev and Jean-Marie Mazaleyrat. A logline is a tool for focusing the story AND for marketing the story.

The words "An unimaginable crisis" in this logline doesn't tell us what the ultimate stakes are. Must the protagonist fight for his life? Or must love find a way to triumph despite the inherent conflict (like in "Warm Bodies" where the vampire falls in love with a normal girl)?

What's the twist that makes this story idea different from all the other Zombie scripts being written and all the films already made?

Good points by Koen, Richiev and Jean-Marie Mazaleyrat. A logline is a tool for focusing the story AND for marketing the story.

The words "An unimaginable crisis" in this logline doesn't tell us what the ultimate stakes are. Must the protagonist fight for his life? Or must love find a way to triumph despite the inherent conflict (like in "Warm Bodies" where the vampire falls in love with a normal girl)?

What's the twist that makes this story idea different from all the other Zombie scripts being written and all the films already made?

Hi nelsonpants,

Richiev and dpg are right.

Basically, the logline is a marketing tool to tell your customer what he is buying (actually what you whant to sell).
Your customer is a producer.
What he wants to know is if your story is bankable. What he needs for this is more than a genre and a premise (except HARDLY EVER for high concept , which first quality is the uniqueness)
- because with just a genre and a premise, we can write thousands of stories from the worst to the best,
- because what you want to sell may cost more than $1M and he can employ a professional screenwriter to write any story of any genre about any premise for much less money,
- and because a complete story is a copyrighted material he cannot leaf.

So what your customer wants is the whole story. And as it takes many time to read screenplays and as time is money, he wants your whole story reduced to something like 30 words long.

That's why you must tell us what happens "after he discovers that his girlfriend is a zombie".

As I learned a few days ago, your logline would be better if it begins by:

"After he discovers his girlfriend is a zombie" and follows with "a man...do... despite... (with the help...) "

And your customer would be even more happier if it where "a necrophobic man...do... despite... with the help... "

Packaged like this, it is not very difficult to write, actually. ;-)