A lonely 30-year-old introverted computer programmer who hasn’t left the house in years develops a quirky friendship with a recently divorced happy-go-lucky inspirational speaker.

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The Outside World

3 reviews

Former member · Singularity · 114,968 pts

This is a good summary of the main characters involved, but I find myself asking "Okay. Then what?" There's a lot of places you could go, but without some sort of hint as to what's to come (drama? comedic hijinks? tragedy?) or conflict, it doesn't hold my interest for long.

Karel Segers · Mentor · 2,820 pts

This is a good summary of the main characters involved, but I find myself asking "Okay. Then what?" There's a lot of places you could go, but without some sort of hint as to what's to come (drama? comedic hijinks? tragedy?) or conflict, it doesn't hold my interest for long.

Former member · Singularity · 114,968 pts

I would choose between "introverted" and "who hasn't left the house in years" and drop the "lonely". It would set up the character sufficiently for the sake of the concept. Even the age I'd leave out as it doesn't seem to be crucial.

More problematic however is "develops a quirky friendship." It doesn't promise me enough excitement; as a matter of fact, there is no real story here.

Finally, I'm expecting for the programmer to leave the house in Act Two. I'd include this in the logline.

The bottom line, however, is that there is no story without goals...