by Eli Teirelinck · Wordsmith · 370 pts
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My first critique, so take it with a grain of salt.
Sounds great on the surface but who am I meant to care about in this story?
The Supervillains? (Antiheros)
Isn't a hero's value measured in the might and/or cunning of his opponent.
If the Superheros don't care what happens to their city, they sound like weak adversaries, standing by while bad things happen.
And I'd like to hear what the "Theme" is, and what the Supervillains risk losing at "All is lost".
Interesting idea, but not sure I can follow the story from your logline. Seems a bit confusing to have two sets of bad guys as it were....all be it one set not as bad as the other.
>>The corrupt heroes are not villains, they just aren't good people
That may not work in the super hero genre. The super hero genre, by definition is about extreme character types. Characters are drawn in stark black and white -- there are rarely shades of grey, at least not with the principal characters, certainly not the antagonist.
It takes a great antagonist to make a protagonist. Darth Vader made Luke Skywalker the hero he becomes and made 100's of millions of dollars in ticket sales -- and toys. (Dittoo Princess Leia, and Hans Solo and Yoda, et al.)
You're writing a spec script for a series, right? What is there about the relationship between the good guys and the bad guys that is going to hook people's interest, make them come back every week for the next episode. Nobody I know tuned into "Breaking Bad" episode after episode because Walter White was opposed by tepid, "corrupt but not evil" dudes. We all tuned in because Walter was up against utterly ruthless, and in the case of Gustavo Fring, intelligent and cunning antagonists.
If the antagonists in your story are moral mediocrities, where's the dramatic conflict, the tension? Where's the suspense to hook your audience's interest, make them tune in next week.. and the week...
>>The corrupt heroes are not villains, they just aren't good people
That may not work in the super hero genre. The super hero genre, by definition is about extreme character types. Characters are drawn in stark black and white -- there are rarely shades of grey, at least not with the principal characters, certainly not the antagonist.
It takes a great antagonist to make a protagonist. Darth Vader made Luke Skywalker the hero he becomes and made 100's of millions of dollars in ticket sales -- and toys. (Dittoo Princess Leia, and Hans Solo and Yoda, et al.)
You're writing a spec script for a series, right? What is there about the relationship between the good guys and the bad guys that is going to hook people's interest, make them come back every week for the next episode. Nobody I know tuned into "Breaking Bad" episode after episode because Walter White was opposed by tepid, "corrupt but not evil" dudes. We all tuned in because Walter was up against utterly ruthless, and in the case of Gustavo Fring, intelligent and cunning antagonists.
If the antagonists in your story are moral mediocrities, where's the dramatic conflict, the tension? Where's the suspense to hook your audience's interest, make them tune in next week.. and the week...
The corrupt heroes are not villains, they just aren't good people. What i mean is that they are not protecting the city out of the goodness of their heart, but because they are getting paid to do it and would gladly stand by and watch the city burn if there's nothing in it for them. They have not done anything evil to anyone ever and have only done good for the city, but, atleast in my mind, just because a person does good does not make them a good person. Their morality can be swayed.
In this world, the heroes fight petty criminals and gangs, stop meteors and such, not other super powered beings, hence the group would have been the first SUPER villains.
Right on, dpg...
This sort of sounds like "Chronicle" with a wicked twist that doesn't make logical sense - it seems REDUNDANT considering that, "the clumsy and incompetent young adults" setting out to "become the world's 'first' super[-]villains" battle superheroes that are seemingly already "villains" - e.g., "corrupt"(?)
Another thing is the problem with "superhero" concepts: They're... sort of played out and perhaps even dominated by Marvel, et. al.
