To regain his status in the high ranks of the order after a shameful ban, an arrogant, yet talented sorcerer sets off to hunt one of the most vicious rebels in the realm.

I suggest that "a member of the ruling forces"? isn't personal enough. But it's your story.

Also, I suggest the logline should indicate that? initially it's an unfair fight in favor of the antagonist.? That is, the outlaw has to be more than vicious, he has to possess some? sorcerer-like powers and skills?of his own, ?that are even more potent than those sorcerer.? The odds must overwhelmingly be against the sorcerer.?? Otherwise, there's no meaningful suspense.

Again, hearkening back to the template of the Star Wars saga:? Luke (and now Rey in the reboot of the franchise) initially go up against villains far more skilled in the use of the Force than they are.?? They must learn under duress -- fast.

I don't get that sense that the odds are overwhelmingly against the sorcerer.? The outlaw may be vicious? - but that doesn't mean he has greater powers to prevail against those of the sorcerer.? My sense is that the odds? seem to be initially in favor of the sorcerer.? So what is the factor in the fight that creates suspense?

I suggest that "a member of the ruling forces"? isn't personal enough. But it's your story.

Also, I suggest the logline should indicate that? initially it's an unfair fight in favor of the antagonist.? That is, the outlaw has to be more than vicious, he has to possess some? sorcerer-like powers and skills?of his own, ?that are even more potent than those sorcerer.? The odds must overwhelmingly be against the sorcerer.?? Otherwise, there's no meaningful suspense.

Again, hearkening back to the template of the Star Wars saga:? Luke (and now Rey in the reboot of the franchise) initially go up against villains far more skilled in the use of the Force than they are.?? They must learn under duress -- fast.

I don't get that sense that the odds are overwhelmingly against the sorcerer.? The outlaw may be vicious? - but that doesn't mean he has greater powers to prevail against those of the sorcerer.? My sense is that the odds? seem to be initially in favor of the sorcerer.? So what is the factor in the fight that creates suspense?

After a vicious outlaw kills a member of the ruling forces of a society, a young, yet talented sorcerer sets off to hunt him down in order to protect the people and prevent a potential war.

I've used both the catalyst and the big event here. Better?

So what have these? actually done in the realm that makes them the?"most vicious"??? I suggest that needs more specificity.

More specifically, what injustice have they committed against the sorcerer?? ?What is a direct causal link between their evil deeds and the life of the sorcerer -- the inciting incident, if you will --?that motivates him to hunt them down??? I suggest making the motivation for his hunt personal as well as communal.? Like they killed his family, or have kidnapped a love one (a sister or the woman he loves, hopes to marry).

Again, consider? "Star Wars: A New Hope".??Young Luke is not ignorant of the war between the?Empire and the Rebel Alliance, but it's not his fight -- he has no skin in the game.? So he's not motivated to overcome his own doubts and apprehension and answer Obi-Wan's call.? And then his uncle and aunt are killed.

Now it's personal.? Now he's motivated.? Now it's a motivation the audience can relate to.

What is the strongest possible motive for the young man to?go from being a sorcerer to being a warrior??? They're different roles with different skill sets.? Would it not be the case that just because he's got the right stuff to be a sorcerer? it doesn't mean those capabilities?also mean?he's got the right stuff to be a warrior?

fwiw

So what have these? actually done in the realm that makes them the?"most vicious"??? I suggest that needs more specificity.

More specifically, what injustice have they committed against the sorcerer?? ?What is a direct causal link between their evil deeds and the life of the sorcerer -- the inciting incident, if you will --?that motivates him to hunt them down??? I suggest making the motivation for his hunt personal as well as communal.? Like they killed his family, or have kidnapped a love one (a sister or the woman he loves, hopes to marry).

Again, consider? "Star Wars: A New Hope".??Young Luke is not ignorant of the war between the?Empire and the Rebel Alliance, but it's not his fight -- he has no skin in the game.? So he's not motivated to overcome his own doubts and apprehension and answer Obi-Wan's call.? And then his uncle and aunt are killed.

Now it's personal.? Now he's motivated.? Now it's a motivation the audience can relate to.

What is the strongest possible motive for the young man to?go from being a sorcerer to being a warrior??? They're different roles with different skill sets.? Would it not be the case that just because he's got the right stuff to be a sorcerer? it doesn't mean those capabilities?also mean?he's got the right stuff to be a warrior?

fwiw

So basically, this form "In order to save the lives of his people, an arrogant sorcerer sets off to hunt one of the most vicious outlaws that ever set foot in the realm." seems to be the best shot in your oppinion? I mean,would you read this script if it was on your desk,working at a studio?

Btw, I very much appreciate your time and your help. Cheers.