To stop her ex-husband from stealing the Mona Lisa, a world-class cat burglar turned security expert must illegally install her own security in the Louvre.

Hi! Good news is that your logline definitely made me think that most of the movie was about her attempting to install the security equipment. So, it's clear. However, I have to agree with patrockable... not really a movie, IMHO.

The entire second act is her figuring out better security and then illegally installing it without the Louvre's permission or knowledge? That sounds boring.

I don't want to see an hour of a woman trying to install security in the Lourve... I want to see a cat and mouse game with the ex husband. That's your hook... and the installing security thing actually diminishes it. Anyone else think this is the hook?

Hey guys, I appreciate the feedback -- THANKS!

Maybe I need to reword it, but I definitely don't want to lose the last part -- b/c that's the movie's Hook and the hero's main Goal. The Louvre doesn't believe her b/c of her criminal past and they think their security is good enough (it truly is some of the best in the world).

The entire second act is her figuring out better security and then illegally installing it without the Louvre's permission or knowledge.

IMO, A world class cat burglar turned security expert must stop her ex-husband from stealing the Mona Lisa.? is too generic, there's not enough info. How is she gonna stop him (stun gun, break his arm), where is she gonna stop him (America, Germany)?

I think maybe changing just one word, Illegally to Secretly, helps the flow.
"To stop her ex-husband from stealing the Mona Lisa, a world-class cat burglar turned security expert must secretly install her own security in the Louvre."

Thanks again for the feedback!

Yes, I agree! The "install her own security" bit isn't needed... what's important is the main goal, and that it is achievable. And you already have this: To stop the ex-husband from stealing the Mona Lisa.

The protagonist will try different methods to achieve her goal throughout Act 2 anyway, so no need to describe any of them unless its very unique and part of the hook.

So how about just:

"A world class cat burglar turned security expert must stop her ex-husband from stealing the Mona Lisa."

That's only 17 words out of 25... now you have room to describe the character's flaw and the stakes. :)

Good hook for what seems like an exciting sotry.

Just wondering about the 'illegally install' the security system. Made me wonder: does she just want to stop her ex-husband from stealing the Mona Lisa, or does she want to steal it herself? If she's employed by the Louvre, why does she have to install the system 'illegally'?

I agree with Patrockable. I think it is excelent. It somewhat gets clumsy at the end with "install her own security at the Louvre", though. Instead of being so specific as to what she wants to do (install her own security), try explaining what she HAS to do: she HAS to beat him to the punch, she HAS to keep her past career as a cat-burglar a secret (assuming that it is), and HAS to protect the Mona Lisa at all costs.

That is one tricky scenario and does make me want to at least read how you pull it off. Great job, CaveDude21!

"A security chief, and former cat-burglar, must stop her ex-husband's heist of the Mona Lisa by bypassing her security and preventing the masterpiece- and her secret past- from getting out!"