Categories: Thriller
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7 reviews
I believe I understand the setup now:
The lead character and her husband are mugged, during the event, the husband is killed (Stepping in front of a bullet) and after the mugging, the lead character discovers the mugger was actually an assassin but she doesn't know who or why someone would want her dead.
In that case, (If I now understand the setup correct) I believe the motivation of the lead character should be that of revenge. If the man she loves is killed, just surviving isn't a strong enough goal or action. She should be motivated to discover who killed her husband so she can either take them out or seek legal justice.
Agreed with Richiev. It took me some time to understand the premise as well (this is telling...) and it would seem that further explanations are needed for the logic to come through - best to make some significant changes to the concept so this isn't the case.
The whole taking a bullet and grieving widow aspects are confusing the point. The event that starts her on her journey is the husband's murder, therefore the logline should start with:
After her husband is murdered...
Then the action she takes is to hunt down the killer, so:
After her husband is murdered, a [good description MC] must hunt down the killer to save her own life.
As it stands now, the MC description is very generic and therefore I don't know what kind of person she is or what ability she has to survive/catch/figure out who the killer is.
Indicates to me that the antagonistic assassins in this story are inept right from the git go. They fail on the target and give up on the pursuit only to risk another try?
In Kill Bill, they left her hopelessly dead. The only reason to consider it done correctly.
You can easily fix this by adjusting the Protag from "grieving" to something more suited for a potential hero.
That would be a good place to start.