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5 reviews
If the? protagonist realizes his producer is his mafia/load shark nemesis, how come the nemesis doesn't realize who the protagonist is, a victim who owes him money?
And what what MUST he do (objective goal) when he discovers the producer's ID?? Or ELSE -- what are the stakes if he fails? (His life, no less I should think.)
This logline really only sets up the Inciting Incident.
So rather than promising a 100 minute movie, it gives us the first 15 minutes.
A logline needs to hold the promise of a full-length film.
To fix this, you need to answer the question DPG asks above: "What MUST he do".
I am not sure a man on the run from the mafia would start an endeavor?that puts him on a stage and in front of crowds of people. Most people on the run from the mob keep a low profile.
However, up until the part about the mob, I was actually enjoying the idea.