When a guilt-ridden trainee cop is bitten by a vampire, he becomes the one officer powerful enough to take on the crime syndicate terrorizing the city. He must overcome his past and defeat the syndicate in order to restore peace within himself and the city.

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Prince of Darkness (Videogame) Revision #2

2 reviews

TX · Logliner · 455 pts

Quite interesting, specific but too wordy. Also by indicating that "he must overcome his past and defeat a syndicate in order to restore peace within himself and the city" is bringing in too much conflict into the set-up hence the length of words. Taking on a crime syndicate is obviously what is needed to restore peace either in the city or within himself and this should be sufficient and lessen the burden of extending the sentences. You can therefore remove the part of restoring peace within himself.