Categories: Drama
Bfink:
In addition to the above I see one other thing that could strengthen the logline's appeal: ?a strong hook.
"Follows her daughter to the beach" -- how unique, how exciting is that to watch?
On the other hand, what if the daughter wants to go to the beach, but ?her mother cajoles and finally bribes -- pays her -- to join her in hiking the Appalachian trail?
Or biking up the Pacific Coast Highway? ?Or biking the the C&O Canal and Great Allegheny Gap from Washington DC to Pittsburgh?
Or your mom's solution to her midlife crisis is to buy a Harley -- or requistion her soon to be ex's beloved Harley -- ?and drive across country to the Sturgis, South Dakota motorcycle rally.
(I'm assuming you're from the US of A. If not, replace with some local travel routes in your own country.)
Her subjective need is her last chance to bond with her daughter, repair the wounds inflicted by her failing (or failed?) marriage. ?Her objective goal is reach the destination implied in the Odyssey.
I'm just throwing out ideas. ?My point is build the story around the hook of an interesting journey the audience will want to go along to enjoy the scenery and see how it ends.
fwiw
Bfink:
In addition to the above I see one other thing that could strengthen the logline's appeal: ?a strong hook.
"Follows her daughter to the beach" -- how unique, how exciting is that to watch?
On the other hand, what if the daughter wants to go to the beach, but ?her mother cajoles and finally bribes -- pays her -- to join her in hiking the Appalachian trail?
Or biking up the Pacific Coast Highway? ?Or biking the the C&O Canal and Great Allegheny Gap from Washington DC to Pittsburgh?
Or your mom's solution to her midlife crisis is to buy a Harley -- or requistion her soon to be ex's beloved Harley -- ?and drive across country to the Sturgis, South Dakota motorcycle rally.
(I'm assuming you're from the US of A. If not, replace with some local travel routes in your own country.)
Her subjective need is her last chance to bond with her daughter, repair the wounds inflicted by her failing (or failed?) marriage. ?Her objective goal is reach the destination implied in the Odyssey.
I'm just throwing out ideas. ?My point is build the story around the hook of an interesting journey the audience will want to go along to enjoy the scenery and see how it ends.
fwiw
So the primary focus of your story in the relationship between mother and daughter. Specifically, the mother's attempt to force her daughter into one last ?"bonding experience".
That's fine. ?But...
Movies are a visual medium so I have to ask the question: what is the visual for the "bonding experience"? ?What will that look like on a movie screen? ?What will it look like and what is said and done that indicates she has succeeded -- or failed?
As an example, take the movie "Wild" (2014). ?The Reese Witherspoon's character has an objective goal to hike the Pacific Crest Trail. ?Now, of course, the weight of her backpack is a metaphor for the equally heavy ?psychological baggage she is carrying with her -- her subjective problem. ?And if she doesn't eventually dump her psychological baggage, she will not achieve her objective goal.
But a logline for a movie needs to be framed around her objective goal -- not her subjective need.
Either she successfully completes her physical journey -- or she doesn't. And the visual on that is reaching some landmark that indicates success. In the ?movie, that visual is ?walking across the "Bridge of the Gods"that spans the Columbia River. ?That lets the audience know that she has accomplished her objective goal. (And along the way, shed her psychological baggage.)
Now then. ?In the case of your story, what exactly is the visual for the "bonding experience"? ?What does that scene look like? ?What would happen in that scene to indicate success?
Your logline needs to supply or suggest a visual image that would ?inform the audience that she has succeeded.
Another aspect of your story is that the mother's want is ?clearly the wrong goal. She's desperately trying to impose her definition of a mother-daughter relationship on her daughter whether her daughter wants it or not. She's desperately dumping on her daughter the burden of ?the mother's emotional baggage. ?I would think that would be a hard sell to an audience. ?They might sympathize with her emotional problems, but I don't think they would be rooting for her method of resolving them --at her daughter's expense.
Now it's perfectly legit for a character initially pursue the wrong goal and eventually come to see the error of her goal and embrace the right goal.
But for the purpose of a logline it's better if the story is framed with an objective goal that ostensibly seems acceptable, desirable from the git go. (Even though during the course of the story the character comes to realize that it's the wrong goal, or the right goal for the wrong reason.)
fwiw
So the primary focus of your story in the relationship between mother and daughter. Specifically, the mother's attempt to force her daughter into one last ?"bonding experience".
That's fine. ?But...
Movies are a visual medium so I have to ask the question: what is the visual for the "bonding experience"? ?What will that look like on a movie screen? ?What will it look like and what is said and done that indicates she has succeeded -- or failed?
As an example, take the movie "Wild" (2014). ?The Reese Witherspoon's character has an objective goal to hike the Pacific Crest Trail. ?Now, of course, the weight of her backpack is a metaphor for the equally heavy ?psychological baggage she is carrying with her -- her subjective problem. ?And if she doesn't eventually dump her psychological baggage, she will not achieve her objective goal.
But a logline for a movie needs to be framed around her objective goal -- not her subjective need.
Either she successfully completes her physical journey -- or she doesn't. And the visual on that is reaching some landmark that indicates success. In the ?movie, that visual is ?walking across the "Bridge of the Gods"that spans the Columbia River. ?That lets the audience know that she has accomplished her objective goal. (And along the way, shed her psychological baggage.)
Now then. ?In the case of your story, what exactly is the visual for the "bonding experience"? ?What does that scene look like? ?What would happen in that scene to indicate success?
Your logline needs to supply or suggest a visual image that would ?inform the audience that she has succeeded.
Another aspect of your story is that the mother's want is ?clearly the wrong goal. She's desperately trying to impose her definition of a mother-daughter relationship on her daughter whether her daughter wants it or not. She's desperately dumping on her daughter the burden of ?the mother's emotional baggage. ?I would think that would be a hard sell to an audience. ?They might sympathize with her emotional problems, but I don't think they would be rooting for her method of resolving them --at her daughter's expense.
Now it's perfectly legit for a character initially pursue the wrong goal and eventually come to see the error of her goal and embrace the right goal.
But for the purpose of a logline it's better if the story is framed with an objective goal that ostensibly seems acceptable, desirable from the git go. (Even though during the course of the story the character comes to realize that it's the wrong goal, or the right goal for the wrong reason.)
fwiw
Thank you, everyone, for your thoughts and ideas. ?This is a tough one for me because the ultimate story is the emotional journey the protagonist goes on, but of course she doesn't know that going into it, and it's hard to base a movie around an internal story. ?She is in a bad marriage, which does play into the story a little bit, but I wanted the focus to be on her relationship with her daughter and what she learns about herself through this experience with her. ?So here's my revised logline. ?I hope it clarifies the story a little bit better:
When a neglected housewife, and soon-to-be empty-nester, learns of her daughter's plans to spend the summer away from her, she follows her daughter to the beach in an effort to force her into one last bonding experience.
Please let me know what you think.
I like the idea, personally, and recent movies like The Meddler and Hello, My Name is Doris have made me feel like we could definitely be entertained watching older women at this stage of their life.
I ?suppose I could agree with the comment about raising the stakes. ?Are secrets revealed, does he daughter almost reject her, does something that gets newly awakened on this trip threaten her marriage, etc.
