When mutilated animals begin showing up in a small Ohio town and all signs begin to point in an impossible, draconic direction, a new sheriff with something to prove must enlist the help of the high school janitor with a mysterious family past to kill the beast before anyone else gets hurt.

by doc21g · Penpusher · 50 pts 277 views

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4 reviews

Richiev · Singularity · 58,825 pts ★ Accepted

I had to read this a couple of times... that's not good.

However, if draconic direction means there is a dragon, I think the story itself sounds interesting. But if you mean dragon you should just say dragon (For clarity)

I am going to give this a logline attempt, I apologize in advance for adding one element that is not in your logline but I just thought it would be interesting.
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"When no one believes the recent cattle mutilations are caused by a mythical dragon, an alcoholic small-town sheriff must enlist the aid of a reclusive mythology expert, and the high school?DnD club to kill the beast and save his town."

Jay Cannon (JC) · Penpusher · 150 pts

I like the idea, but agree with others that it is too long. Here's a suggestion:

When mutilated animals begin showing up in a small Ohio town, a new sheriff with something to prove enlists the help of the high school janitor with a mysterious family past to kill the beast before anyone else gets hurt.

Neer Shelter · Singularity · 39,985 pts

Loglines are best written using specific and brief descriptions.

The above could be rewritten as:
After a dragon mutilates his pet dog, a newbie sheriff must enlist the help of the school janitor, a descendant of dragon hunters, to save the town.

A modern-day knights and dragons story could be interesting, but it needs to be described with efficiency and clarity.