Thanks all for the help. Re working it now.

>>I think the line would read a little different in IMDb.

As well it should. ?The summary, or blurb, ?in IMDB ?pitches to a different market -- the viewing audience. ?Who are being enticed to invest a $10-12 dollars, a couple of hours in the film. ?The logline pitches to movie makers who are being enticed to ?invest tens of millions of dollars, and ?two or more years of their lives in the project.

One other suggestion: ?think franchise. ?If she's the love child of an alien that opens up all kinds of story possibilities, sequels...prequels... graphic novels... video games... action toys.

>>I think the line would read a little different in IMDb.

As well it should. ?The summary, or blurb, ?in IMDB ?pitches to a different market -- the viewing audience. ?Who are being enticed to invest a $10-12 dollars, a couple of hours in the film. ?The logline pitches to movie makers who are being enticed to ?invest tens of millions of dollars, and ?two or more years of their lives in the project.

One other suggestion: ?think franchise. ?If she's the love child of an alien that opens up all kinds of story possibilities, sequels...prequels... graphic novels... video games... action toys.

I like the fact the protagonist is female. ?That by itself makes the concept stand out from the pack as most of the time in this and related genres, the main character is a guy.

Now then. ?She may be a dancer -- and impulsive -- in the story. ?But her characterization in the logline has to be relevant to her predicament and objective goal. ?

Her predicament is that an alien species is tracking her down to kill her. ?For the purpose of the logline that she's an impulsive dancer is irrelevant to her predicament -- unless the aliens are also?dance critics for the New York Times. ?:-)

The character attribute that is relevant to her predicament is that she's an orphan, or some such. ? (I like orphan because it's provides a ?motivation to the audience for why she is looking for her birth parents. ?And when she's being hunted down by the aliens, it raises dramatic tension because she has no kin to call upon for help or an explanation. ?She must survive by her own will and wits.)

Anyway, my takeaway is that the characterization in the logline needs to be congruent with the plot.

>>may be family.

Well, they are family, right? ? If the final answer is "No", I can guarantee that as ?soon as the logline reader finds out she's been conned by a bait-and-switch, ?she will hurl the script into the nearest trash can. ?FADE OUT.

Since you've mentioned it, you gotta deliver because that is what is expected. ?So my suggestion is to turn the card over in the logline. ?Reveal the spade, call it a spade.

Yes, it's a big reveal. ? But it's also the story hook. ?It's the single element that makes this story stand out from ?all the other scripts about attacking aliens.

I think the premise has potential; I ?can see the story going in several directions. ?But I don't know which one you have in mind. ?So I can only suggest that instead of the aliens wantonly killing off everyone -- the obvious, the predictable, the trite and tired trope -- what if they only want to kill her? ?No one one else on the planet is in their laser sights but her. ?She's the "One", the only "One" they want.

Why do they only want to kill off only her, a putative member of their family? ?And what must she do about that? ?(Besides survive.)
fwiw