Categories: Public
Carrion
Thanks for the explanation. With that in mind you might consider making it more a part of the conflict than character description... in the logline
A crusading policeman must reassess his self-righteous nature when a government plan to use mutant insects to kill junkies indiscriminately targets his drug using sister.
Thanks for your input but your ideas take the story in a completely different direction. My story basically forces a prohibitionist to experience the cruelty of prohibition and deals with the outcome of that experience. The protagonist's self-righteousness is a manifestation of his beliefs as a prohibitionist. By the end of the story he is the polar opposite but self-righteous really is the only way to describe his moral and psychological weakness at the beginning of the story. I'm not too worried about describing a hero nobody likes. I hope he is someone people empathise with. For me his self-righteousness raises a moral dilemma that is interesting. He's a prohibitionist with a drug using sister. When the prohibitionists start to kill the junkie population. What does he do? Does he remain a prohibitionist and let his sister be killed? Or does he take action and risk everything to save her? It forces him into a corner and asks him to make a compelling choice. Your logline hints at a secret plan. This is interesting because early in the development of the story the drug eating insects were part of a coup d?etat. The crisis caused by the insects was a stepping stone that allowed a military dictatorship to take power. I abandoned the idea because I was unable to reconcile the general hostility prohibitionist have towards users and the inherent secrecy of a plan. Prohibitionist's aren't shy about tell us they think users should be killed. It seemed more compelling for the protagonist to go up against the whole of society, rather than have him uncover a plot to kill a class of people society vilifies. Thanks for taking the time to reply. It's allowed me to clarify my idea and steer my logline to be that bit better.
Oops!
A slight fix to get it to 30 words:
A secret plan to kill junkies with mutant insects projects a DEA agents's ?casual use? sister as ?acceptable collateral damage?. He takes on a swarm of self-righteous administrators and bugs.
Not sure I like the phrase 'self righteous'. With it's negative connotation you could be starting off with a hero nobody likes. That's okay in a script but in a logline it can be troublesome. It almost makes me want the sister to be the protag. Also you might want to give the guy more of a connection to the program: When the government's secret plan to kill junkies with mutant insects projects a DEA administrator's 'casual use' sister as 'acceptable collateral damage' he takes on a swarm of self righteous DEA agents.
Suggested titles:
Buzz Kill
CounteRAID (winner of the product placement award)
Swarm to Protect
The story deals specifically with illicit drugs. The insects are genetically engineered to eat drugs. A different insect for each drug. The pathology of the insects involve the drug users in their reproductive cycle. Basically the insects are released. Feed on the drugs. Then attack a user of that drug. The insects larva then use the host as food. Literally eating the user from the inside out. Killing the host when they mature and escape the body. The insects are manifestation of prohibition taken to its merciless unrelenting conclusion.
If it's prescription pain-killers, that's another story as well. I think I need to know what drug.
Dont get rid of the insects! Thats what makes this logline unique!
Also, the correct grammar is "the government starts" not "start". "Drug using" is fine if thats essential to your plot. I prefer "must save" to "fights to save"...3 vs 2 words. Every word counts!
I suppose it depends on the drug. If it's heroin, I'd say "heroin".
Unless she's just a casual weed smoker, in which case this is a different film that what I'd be expecting.
I agree with everything you said but didn't really see it so clearly until you pointed it out. The phrases "risks everything" and "tyrannical forces of prohibition" are, as you said, generic and unnecessary. Taking on board your advise to not include the insect and prompted by patrockd's reply I offer this revision.
When the government start to kill the junkie population, a self-righteous policeman fights to save his drug using sister.
How does that sound? This has been really interesting for me. Thanks for taking the time to reply.
