When the woman of his dreams is kidnapped by a mysterious figure, a manic-depressive alcoholic alters his entire life trajectory to save her from an ethereal shape-shifter that harvests souls for energy.

AnkhEnergy:

You've obviously put a lot of thought and imagination into your story.? I've said my 2.5 cents worth on the psychopathology and will leave it at that.

One final thought: you're synopsis discloses information I was totally unaware of, could have never gleaned from the logline.? Information that frames your story in a different light.? Specifically, that your story is? specific setting as to country (Brazil) and culture (African).? I suggest this is need-to-know information that needs to be? concisely included in the logline because it's your story hook.

In my book,? the most important factor in a logline, the must-have ingredient,? is the story hook,? an interest grabber that distinguishes,? differentiates a story from other stories with similar generic plot lines.? In this case,? from other plots about flawed a protagonist needing to rescue a damsel in distress from a malevolent entity.

Regards and best wishes with your writing.

AnkhEnergy:

You've obviously put a lot of thought and imagination into your story.? I've said my 2.5 cents worth on the psychopathology and will leave it at that.

One final thought: you're synopsis discloses information I was totally unaware of, could have never gleaned from the logline.? Information that frames your story in a different light.? Specifically, that your story is? specific setting as to country (Brazil) and culture (African).? I suggest this is need-to-know information that needs to be? concisely included in the logline because it's your story hook.

In my book,? the most important factor in a logline, the must-have ingredient,? is the story hook,? an interest grabber that distinguishes,? differentiates a story from other stories with similar generic plot lines.? In this case,? from other plots about flawed a protagonist needing to rescue a damsel in distress from a malevolent entity.

Regards and best wishes with your writing.

I find the phrasing of "mysterious figure" to be vague. When I first read it, I imagined a mysterious, cloaked HUMAN. You tell us in the end what the "figure" is, so why not spell it out right away? "When the woman of his dreams is kidnapped by a ethereal shape-shifter, a manic-depressive alcoholic must alter his enitre life trajectory in order to save her from having her soul harvested for energy".
I also find "life trajectory" to be pretty vague also. Maybe if you alter it to "must enter another realm of reality in order to"