While in coma, a pessimistic former athlete must regain his self belief to help a police force, that operates within collective unconscious of humanity, stop a powerful psychic taking over everybody’s minds.

I like the seed-concept, a story that leverages Jung's theory of the collective unconscious, but...

For one thing, why a coma? ?Couldn't these "adventures" take place while he's asleep? ?Which would create additional complications and tension. Because 2/3 of his time would be spent "out of commission" -- waking life -- unable to engage with the psychic daemonic-shadow figure.

Add to that a ticking clock -- an urgent need for him to get to sleep early and often -- and the complication that he's an insomniac..

Oh, and an anima-siren/love interest who threatens to lure him to his doom.

As I said, I like the concept, but...

fwiw

I like the seed-concept, a story that leverages Jung's theory of the collective unconscious, but...

For one thing, why a coma? ?Couldn't these "adventures" take place while he's asleep? ?Which would create additional complications and tension. Because 2/3 of his time would be spent "out of commission" -- waking life -- unable to engage with the psychic daemonic-shadow figure.

Add to that a ticking clock -- an urgent need for him to get to sleep early and often -- and the complication that he's an insomniac..

Oh, and an anima-siren/love interest who threatens to lure him to his doom.

As I said, I like the concept, but...

fwiw

Agreed with the above.

Also, the actions will all be in the MC's mind, much like in Life on Mars, visualized for the audience's benefit. This can be used as either a twist in the end or an established rule of the story world.

Is the existence of a psychic police force a known aspect of this world? Or is it something they setup once they, somehow, realize there is a psychic predator on the loose?

The reason for my question is that if it is a regular occurrence in this world, to have psychic criminals being chased by psychic police, then why and in what way is this MC so outstanding to require a story being told about him? What's so special about this particular coma patient?

However, if this is the first time such a psychic criminal has been identified, then the existence of a police force dedicated to catching psychic criminals doesn't make much sense. It would make more sense that there are other people stuck in comas who are all somehow connected in their psyche and together form a group that go after the powerful psychic.