1. Posted: April 17, 2021In:

    A rural grandfather with a distant relationship with his urbanite daughter will try to convince her that his granddaughter study the next year in the village school and so the school will not close

    Andres_ Penpusher

    Thanks so much for your comments! Expresions like"ill-parented" or "workaholic" are the ones I always miss when translating a logline. As you said the stake are not too high in the logline, for me the closure of the school will mean the remaining families with school age kids will have to move to otRead more

    Thanks so much for your comments! Expresions like”ill-parented” or “workaholic” are the ones I always miss when translating a logline.

    As you said the stake are not too high in the logline, for me the closure of the school will mean the remaining families with school age kids will have to move to other places and the small village will lose an important part of its population and its lifestyle.

    Taking your comments I proposed a new version of the logline, it will be:
    A grandfather must get his urbanite ill-parented granddaughter to attend the rural school to prevent its closure that will breakdown the village lifestyle.

    I left the daugther outside the logline but the reason why the main carachter “goes to the adventure” is better expose and the danger is clearer. I agree with you that rural vs. urbanite plus distant relation and village means the same in the logline, but in choosing one of the two I feel rural vs. urbanite adds a plus of “flavour” to the logline as it sets up a part of the conflict to come.

    See less
    • 1
  2. Posted: September 23, 2020In:

    A cold-hearted journalist records a documentary about a very talented e-sport player until she discovers the hardness of being born unlucky.

    Andres_ Penpusher

    I understand the lack of action and the missing event. Actually I think I tried to sum up in excess and the point was missed. The point you make about not knowing what an e-sport player is does not really affect the logline as I see it. An extended logline will be: "A cold-hearted journalist recordsRead more

    I understand the lack of action and the missing event. Actually I think I tried to sum up in excess and the point was missed. The point you make about not knowing what an e-sport player is does not really affect the logline as I see it.

    An extended logline will be: “A cold-hearted journalist records a documentary about a very talented esports player until she meets her neighbor, a lowly man, and her documentary pivots to focus on reflecting the harshness of being born unlucky”

    Let me know your opinion, thanks in advance 🙂

    See less
    • 0
  3. Posted: September 23, 2020In:

    A cold-hearted journalist records a documentary about a very talented e-sport player until she discovers the hardness of being born unlucky.

    Andres_ Penpusher

    I understand the lack of action, actually I think I tried to sum up in excess and the point was missed. A reviewed logline will be: "A cold-hearted journalist records a documentary about a very talented esports player until she meets her neighbor, a lowly man, and her documentary focuses on reflectiRead more

    I understand the lack of action, actually I think I tried to sum up in excess and the point was missed.

    A reviewed logline will be: “A cold-hearted journalist records a documentary about a very talented esports player until she meets her neighbor, a lowly man, and her documentary focuses on reflecting the harshness of being born unlucky”

    Let me know your opinion, thanks in advance 🙂

    See less
    • 0