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After moving to their new house, the Elsher family receives a startling letter from someone calling themselves “the watcher”, assigned to silently watch over the house as it has been done for three generations. When the house’s many mind-bending secrets start to be uncovered, the Elshers must face the perils of the house, the watcher, and their own family, in order to find the truth of a mystery that spans almost a century.
Hi Ben, I guess you are referring to "The Broaddus Family". Isn't it? If so, your story is an adaptation and to my understanding, it might affect your logline structure. Check adaptation loglines to make sure.
Hi Ben,
See lessI guess you are referring to “The Broaddus Family”. Isn’t it? If so, your story is an adaptation and to my understanding, it might affect your logline structure.
Check adaptation loglines to make sure.
When a small teenager who wears an alien mask gets bullied and called a freak, the teenager must learn to hide from society to avoid getting bullied.
Hi Peter, You are welcome. It sounds like you are getting to the right track. Modify your logline like this: You wrote: "Frank is a small bullied teenager who believes he is a freak". You can say: 1- "Frank is a small bullied teenager" = A young teenage boy 2- "who believes he is a freak" = with a lRead more
Hi Peter,
You are welcome. It sounds like you are getting to the right track. Modify your logline like this:
You wrote: “Frank is a small bullied teenager who believes he is a freak”.
You can say:
1- “Frank is a small bullied teenager” = A young teenage boy
2- “who believes he is a freak” = with a low self-esteem
Then you wrote: ” On the way to school is bullied by two guys from his school”
1- “On the way to school is bullied” = who is bullied
2- “by two guys from his school” = by his schoolmates
and continue completing the logline using the method I wrote you above. BUT
See lessYou should Show:
1- The MAJOR EVENT: This is the inciting incident, the call to adventure, catalyst, etc, which you wrote Frank changes his school. Right?
And
2- The ACTION/GOAL: Describe what Frank tries to achieve for most of the story.
Think well and re-write. Consider all angles.
I hope this helps.
Ben
When a small teenager who wears an alien mask gets bullied and called a freak, the teenager must learn to hide from society to avoid getting bullied.
Hi Peter, When a small teenager: I guess you need to provide more info/characteristics about your lead character. Like is your teenager a boy? a girl? a student? who wears an alien mask: Why does he/she wear an alien mask? to achieve something? gets bullied and called a freak: By whom? the society?Read more
Hi Peter,
When a small teenager: I guess you need to provide more info/characteristics about your lead character. Like is your teenager a boy? a girl? a student?
who wears an alien mask: Why does he/she wear an alien mask? to achieve something?
gets bullied and called a freak: By whom? the society?
the teenager must learn to hide from society: How must he/she learn to avoid the society to avoid getting bullied.
I think your story has the potential but you have not shown it in your logline successfully.
See lessI suggest you write and share a synopsis so we would know what is going on in your story exactly.