1. Posted: February 26, 2013In:

    Wanting to right his ancestors wrongdoings during the slave-trade era, a youngboy struggles to attain peace as he unwittingly rekindles an age long war.

    blajay

    Wanting to right his ancestors wrongdoings during the slave-trade era, a youngboy struggles to attain peace between worlds as he unwittingly rekindles an age long war.

    Wanting to right his ancestors wrongdoings during the slave-trade era, a youngboy struggles to attain peace between worlds as he unwittingly rekindles an age long war.

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  2. Posted: February 23, 2013In:

    A reckless government agent learns his long lost brother is a test subject of a government experiment, leading him to team with terrorists to mount a rescue.

    blajay

    I would think something along the lines of "When a well decorated federal agent learns his long lost brother is a test subject of a government experiment his only hope is to team with terrorists to mount a rescue." provides conflict and obviously creates an immediate room for character arc

    I would think something along the lines of
    “When a well decorated federal agent learns his long lost brother is a test subject of a government experiment his only hope is to team with terrorists to mount a rescue.”
    provides conflict and obviously creates an immediate room for character arc

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  3. Posted: February 26, 2013In:

    After an accident causes a successful CEO to lose both legs, he is forced to re-evaluate his life and identity

    blajay

    Cameron, what is there to re-evaluate if he is successful as you have described him? Why not use a different qualifier like "nasty" or "callous" or "mean instead of Successful ( or in addition to it eg: a mean and successful CEO)" And a twist such as reveal his true identity rather than re-evaluateRead more

    Cameron, what is there to re-evaluate if he is successful as you have described him? Why not use a different qualifier like “nasty” or “callous” or “mean instead of Successful ( or in addition to it eg: a mean and successful CEO)”
    And a twist such as reveal his true identity rather than re-evaluate would be nice… but then, its your story…

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