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In a post-apocalyptic wasteland, when a government transporter with a death-wish learns that his long dead brother is alive he teams up with an escaped experimental super-soldier and a sassy resistance fighter to find his lost brother and stop a deranged government scientist who is experimenting on children.
Yeah, I know.. I guess the first thing I'd ask is if you feel I need to setup the 'world' at all.. The first four words are wasted on this and while I feel it's very important because it's not the same story if it takes place in present day America, it also bogs down the logline from the get go.
Yeah, I know.. I guess the first thing I’d ask is if you feel I need to setup the ‘world’ at all.. The first four words are wasted on this and while I feel it’s very important because it’s not the same story if it takes place in present day America, it also bogs down the logline from the get go.
See lessWhen a time travelling cover-band frontman steals hits before they're famous, his musical idol descends into a suicidal depression and to save his life he must overcome his lust for fame.
Love this concept, really great work! I agree with Spritewise about the pronoun confusion... I'm guilty of this all the time as well. I would also distill down the description of your main character. Cover-band frontman just feel too wordy. I'd also move the time travel description off the characterRead more
Love this concept, really great work! I agree with Spritewise about the pronoun confusion… I’m guilty of this all the time as well.
I would also distill down the description of your main character. Cover-band frontman just feel too wordy. I’d also move the time travel description off the character so you can give him an adjective that describes him as a person.. preferably one that hints at a flaw. glory-hungry musician? fame-seeking singer? or something simple like selfish?
What is the inciting incident? When he learns to time travel? Or when he steals a specific song? If he’s been doing this for awhile before the movie starts then you need to nail down specifically WHY this time was different. If it’s just that he gets this time travelling ability then the incident would revolve around that.
Can’t wait to see what else you come up with.. Good luck!
See lessSuffering heart damage after a weapons sale is ambushed by terrorsists, a military industrialist/ playboy builds a hi-tech armoured suit to save his own life and protect his company from the people he trusts.
I would go with something like... "After being captured by terrorists, an egotistical industrialist builds a technological suit of armor to escape and then must confront a twisted version of his own weapon."
I would go with something like… “After being captured by terrorists, an egotistical industrialist builds a technological suit of armor to escape and then must confront a twisted version of his own weapon.”
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