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Money found on legal salvage seems Heaven-sent to a young mariner who just inherited a gutted business ? until its criminal owners target his friends and family in the close-knit coastal town.
You have most of it here, but I feel that it needs one more item.. the action. What is the young mariner going to do to remedy the situation? You have the inciting indecent and the issue that it causes, but no hint as to how the hero will resolve it. Maybe something like: "After a young mariner haulRead more
You have most of it here, but I feel that it needs one more item.. the action. What is the young mariner going to do to remedy the situation? You have the inciting indecent and the issue that it causes, but no hint as to how the hero will resolve it. Maybe something like:
“After a young mariner hauls in a valuable salvage, it’s criminal owners disrupt his small coastal town unless he can _________”
Fill in with what he does or tries to do..
Cool concept, I hope it works out. Good luck!
See lessA brilliant pickup artist addicted to crack meets the love of his life in form of a stripper whom just laid of the pipe and must now choose – Love? Or crack.
I'm struggling to tell what kind of story this is... When I read the logline it feels like a straight up drama, but then when you add the title it makes it feel like a comedy. Maybe that's just my perception, but the title makes it sound funny. It also feels a bit wordy. All the info is good but mayRead more
I’m struggling to tell what kind of story this is… When I read the logline it feels like a straight up drama, but then when you add the title it makes it feel like a comedy. Maybe that’s just my perception, but the title makes it sound funny.
It also feels a bit wordy. All the info is good but maybe it can just be reworded to flow a bit better… like..
“After a crack addicted pickup artist falls for a woman at Narcotics Anonymous, the struggle between his addiction and her love take him to the edge of sanity.”
So many possibilities with this.. good luck!
See lessWhen an ancient Egyptian artifact arrives at a local museum and staff members begin to get murdered one by one, a security guard who is dissatisfied with her job must solve the murders and catch the killer before she becomes the next victim.
The security guard is your main character so they need to come sooner in the logline. Usually you want to be in the 25-30 word area and the main character isn't mentioned until word 21. I'd also find a way to shorten 'who is dissatisfied with her job' into a one or two word description like 'a disenRead more
The security guard is your main character so they need to come sooner in the logline. Usually you want to be in the 25-30 word area and the main character isn’t mentioned until word 21. I’d also find a way to shorten ‘who is dissatisfied with her job’ into a one or two word description like ‘a disenfranchised security guard’.
See lessIs there a reason the security guard has to solve the murders instead of the police? If there is some sort of lock down in the museum that may be worth noting so we know why it’s falling to her to figure out.
Maybe.. “When a string of murders at a museum force a lock-down, a disenfranchised security guard steps up to catch the killer before she becomes the next victim.”