1. Posted: November 21, 2013In:

    After a devastating solar storm, a gold reserve manager and his family must escape the city and collapse of society, unknowingly hunted by a ruthless clan-leader looking for gold.

    CamillaBeskow

    This might not be at all what you're after, just a thought that popped into my head when I read this. It doesn't work if you want an innocent and moral main charachter, however. How about when the solar storm hits, this bankman sees a chance to get away with a lot of money for his family, not realizRead more

    This might not be at all what you’re after, just a thought that popped into my head when I read this. It doesn’t work if you want an innocent and moral main charachter, however.

    How about when the solar storm hits, this bankman sees a chance to get away with a lot of money for his family, not realizing that someone else has their eye on the money as well?

    I like the story you have alreasdy as well, but I thought I’d throw that out there.

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  2. Posted: November 17, 2013In:

    To overthrow the manipulative authorities of year 2086, a man genetically designed to teach the values of the regime decides to fight his mental programming, team up with outlaws and free a people brainwashed by a corrupt government

    CamillaBeskow

    There are a lot of things I would like to explain in the logline, but I have already shortened it a thousand times before even finding this version (which I still feel is a little wordy). The idea for the society I'm building up is that all newborn babies are being designed and created by what socieRead more

    There are a lot of things I would like to explain in the logline, but I have already shortened it a thousand times before even finding this version (which I still feel is a little wordy).

    The idea for the society I’m building up is that all newborn babies are being designed and created by what society needs (teachers, doctors, etc.) so that no “unnecessary and uncontributing” people like artists and musicians exist and all people have the “obediance” quality heightened as well. There are, however, some people born “outside of the system” and all those children and their mothers are to be killed on sight to rid the possiblity of anyone breaking the peace. This guy is simply designed to be a teacher and has a huge portion of knowledge and leader qualities.

    I guess the “cruelty going on beheind the curtains” is vague as well, but I don’t know how do iclude everything in the logline. His mother, who has been declared dead, turns out to be the leader of the rebels and shows him the specific effects of what HE does. That when he thinks he’s sending a particularily regime-resistant kid to a clinic to get help, he’s really sending him to slaughter. This makes him realize that his childhood friend, who he thought went away to get help, was killed as well. I truly believe that is enough to start questioning the regime and fight his mental programming.

    Now maybe I’ve told too much, but your questions are really helpful and make me realize where I might find unwanted plotholes and uncertainties!

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  3. Posted: November 20, 2013In:

    After a career-threatening injury puts back a dream of becoming one of soccer?s elite, a teenage boy must rediscover his form and prove his doubters wrong.

    CamillaBeskow

    You have a clear story, but I feel I'm missing the details. To paint a mental picture of what we're actually going to be watching for at least 90 minutes, I would add HOW he attempts to do this. What does he need to do to "rediscover his form and prove his doubters wrong?" I'm sure you have more toRead more

    You have a clear story, but I feel I’m missing the details.

    To paint a mental picture of what we’re actually going to be watching for at least 90 minutes, I would add HOW he attempts to do this. What does he need to do to “rediscover his form and prove his doubters wrong?”

    I’m sure you have more to the story than just watching him work out throughout the whole film, but that is basicallly all I can read from this logline.

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