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Bubble Gum, used as a last minute fix on Apollo 13, causes the explosion in space, absorbs cosmic energy, and meteors to earth where townfolk begin vaporizing from its deadly radiation.
Hi there. Seems like you might have an interesting story, but the logline is very confusing. I suggest you reconstruct your sentence. What explodes, is it Apollo 13? What absorbs cosmic energy, the bubble gum or Apollo 13? What happens to the meteors? There's a missing verb there. Do the meteors craRead more
Hi there. Seems like you might have an interesting story, but the logline is very confusing. I suggest you reconstruct your sentence. What explodes, is it Apollo 13? What absorbs cosmic energy, the bubble gum or Apollo 13? What happens to the meteors? There’s a missing verb there. Do the meteors crash to Earth, or explode in the Earth’s atmosphere?
I hope that helps. Would d appreciate it if you could also comment on my logline.
See lessWhen Mouse, the smartest girl in school, and social outcast falls for the head cheerleader, Kat Sanders; She will have to pull every trick in the book to win her, the only trouble, Kat doesn't even know mouse exists… and likes boys.
Intriguing story, sounds like it will be such fun. Not a regular cat and mouse story, that's for sure! :-) I'd work on the logline some more. Just a few edits on the current version: When Mouse, the smartest girl in school [delete the comma] and social outcast [add comma] falls for the head cheerleaRead more
Intriguing story, sounds like it will be such fun. Not a regular cat and mouse story, that’s for sure! 🙂
I’d work on the logline some more. Just a few edits on the current version: When Mouse, the smartest girl in school [delete the comma] and social outcast [add comma] falls for the head cheerleader, Kat Sanders;[use comma instead of semicolon] She [should not be capitalized] will have to pull every trick in the book to win her, [delete comma, use period] the only trouble [is], Kat doesn’t even know mouse [capitalize] exists? and likes boys.
It will then read as:
When Mouse, the smartest girl in school and social outcast, falls for the head cheerleader, Kat Sanders, she will have to pull every trick in the book to win her. The only trouble is, Kat doesn’t even know Mouse exists? and likes boys.
I hope that helps.
See lessA struggling broke ex cop becomes entangled in the underworld when his friend tries to help him by kidnapping a pet which inadvertently belongs to a dreaded gangster and it's his lucky charm.
Maybe the timing is unfortunate, but this sounds like a movie that's coming out soon :-) I think your sentence may need polishing, as it comes across as a run-off sentence and is awkward to read. But I think you captured the main character, conflict and quest in your logline.
Maybe the timing is unfortunate, but this sounds like a movie that’s coming out soon 🙂
See lessI think your sentence may need polishing, as it comes across as a run-off sentence and is awkward to read. But I think you captured the main character, conflict and quest in your logline.