1. Posted: April 30, 2016In:

    When a journalist discovers a cult crucifying men in the desert, he believes he has the story of a lifetime if he can live to tell it..

    CMathias Logliner

    Agree with FFF, sounds very interesting to me.? Maybe you could use "stumbles upon" instead of "discovers", which would emphasize the unexpectedness a bit more - just a thought. Perhaps you might be more specific regarding location - which desert? If it's in the Nevada desert that's a whole differenRead more

    Agree with FFF, sounds very interesting to me.? Maybe you could use “stumbles upon” instead of “discovers”, which would emphasize the unexpectedness a bit more – just a thought.

    Perhaps you might be more specific regarding location – which desert? If it’s in the Nevada desert that’s a whole different movie from, say, the Sahara.

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  2. Posted: April 29, 2016In:

    A drug addicted private investigator must partner up with an android detective to solve?the mystery of how and why his sister induced an AI to murder her.

    CMathias Logliner

    Thanks all for your honest feedback; I see that the drug addiction part is maybe a bit too much "used-up" and could be a potential turn-off because it's too obvious an attribute for a PI.The purpose of the attribute for the PI is to suggest conflict between him and the android right there in the logRead more

    Thanks all for your honest feedback; I see that the drug addiction part is maybe a bit too much “used-up” and could be a potential turn-off because it’s too obvious an attribute for a PI.

    The purpose of the attribute for the PI is to suggest conflict between him and the android right there in the logline, and also hint at the theme. I’ll try and find something different, like “manic-depressive”; might take me some time to make up my mind. But I think I need this suggestion of conflict as a “hook” (see dpg’s comments 🙂

    In any case, I think it’s mostly nailed down now and I can now start with the story proper 🙂

    EDIT: After thinking it over, I’ve decided to keep the “drug addiction” in the logline. I think it adds some spice, and since it’s a contentious point with you dear reviewers, I’d rather have people love it or hate it than everybody being lukewarm.

    Let’s start cracking!

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  3. Posted: April 29, 2016In:

    A team of thrill-seeking angels, who get their kicks BASE jumping into hell, uncover a plot by the most nefarious gangster in the underworld to take control of the human realm.

    CMathias Logliner

    Well, that certainly sounds not-seen-that-before. I'm already visualising the angels base jumping into hell, should be one hell of a set piece :-)You might shorten it to "A team of thrill-seeking angels base jump into hell and uncover a plot..." "Gangster" suggests to me someone not completely at paRead more

    Well, that certainly sounds not-seen-that-before. I’m already visualising the angels base jumping into hell, should be one hell of a set piece 🙂

    You might shorten it to “A team of thrill-seeking angels base jump into hell and uncover a plot…”
    “Gangster” suggests to me someone not completely at par with thrill-seeking angels – is it essential that it be a gangster or could it be a demon? Right now, the antagonist sounds too weak. So does “take control” – what would he do once he has control? Kill all humans? Enslave them? Could help to raise the stakes here (and if angels and hell are involved, the stakes better be really high 🙂

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